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​Being a Non-Anxious Presence as a Way of Imitating God

A response to Thomas Oord
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Those who work in hospice care well know that there are occasions in life when we cannot "fix" people's problems but can nevertheless be a healing presence. Counselors and friends know the same. Our healing comes in our listening, in being a non-anxious presence in which we give them space to be themselves. This presence is a form of love. I think of this when I read Thomas Oord's essay Imitating God.

Thomas Oord encourages us to "love like God loves" or to imitate God. He defines love as "acting intentionally, in relational response to God and others, to promote overall well-being." In other words, love purposefully acts in relationships to foster flourishing.

Can we directly experience the God whom we might imitate? Not through the senses, Oord suggests. However, he adds, there are “nonsensory experiences of the Spirit" that can enliven us. He elaborates:

"Believers speak of detecting the divine, for instance, as a 'still small voice,' 'intuition,' a 'feeling,' a 'holy nudge,' an 'inclination,' one’s 'moral compass,' a 'hunch,' an 'inkling,' 'divine insight,' an inaudible 'call,' a 'light,' our 'better angels,' one’s conscience, and more. Although not fully accurate, this language describes the direct perception of the Spirit."

What then, are these feelings? These inclinations? These intuitions? Sometimes, when I read open and relational theologians, I sense that the primary modes of feelings are future-oriented. These theologians often emphasize feelings of being called, nudged, and lured toward certain activities. Here, God is experienced as a force that pushes—or better yet, pulls—us forward. Sometimes the pulling presence is gentle and tender, and sometimes tough, like a kick in the butt. Either way, it is a call forward into the not-yet.

However, complementary to this is another kind of feeling that holds deep significance for those with contemplative sensibilities: a feeling of being loved completely, even if we do not respond to these pulls forward. It is not so much a sense of the not-yet but rather the already.

This feeling of divine grace includes a sense of being embraced, accepted, and loved. It reveals a side of God that is more than a lure; God as a deep listener, a presence that "feels the feelings" of each and all with, as Whitehead put it, "a tender care that nothing be lost."

What does it mean, then, to imitate this side of God—to respond to this feeling of being loved? It means treating others in just this way: as a nonjudgmental and non-anxious presences, that is, as someone in whose presence they feel loved. When we embody this non-anxious presence, we offer others a space of calm, acceptance, and kindness, allowing them to feel seen and valued without judgment or expectation. In doing so, we become vessels for the divine listening, creating an environment where others can experience the grace of being fully understood and embraced.

This non-anxious presence is not passive; it is a dynamic way of being that actively reflects God's deep listening and tender care. It acknowledges that true love, the kind that promotes overall well-being, involves more than guiding or pulling others forward—it also means being fully present with them, offering a peaceful and steady presence in which they can find solace and strength. In this way, we imitate God not only as a force of guidance but as a source of unconditional love and acceptance, fostering a space where others can flourish.

All things considered, it seems that there seem to be two ways of imitating God: responding to an inwardly felt call forward and imitating an inwardly felt sense of divine, nonjudgmental companionship. By embracing both aspects - the Lure and the Listening - we can more fully embody the love that promotes well-being, guiding others while also providing the steady, loving presence that allows them to thrive.

​- Jay McDaniel
Open Horizons