​Buddhism and Forgiveness:
Reverend Reirin Gumbel
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​We live in an addictive society. Many of us are addicted substances of one sort or another, but if not to those substances then to inner impulses that become false gods in our lives: the need to be flattered, the need to be in control, the need to be perceived as unique and special, the need to be perfect, the need to be needed. All of these impulses have a healthy side in some contexts, but all can take control of our lives, and lead us to harm ourselves and others. They become sources of dukkha.

In addition to these addictions, there are still others upon which I focus below:

• Moral Outrage: an addiction to being outraged over perceived injustices. This addition often falls under the rubric "righteous indignation."
• Grievance and Resentment: an addiction to personal resentments and grudges.
• Personal Righteousness: an addiction to being "right," leading to an inability to acknowledge shortcomings and forgive oneself.

They are everywhere: in social media, on cable news, in the workplace, and at home.

Process Buddhism, a synthesis of process theology and Buddhist principles, offers a range of ideas and practices that can help individuals free themselves from these three addictions. Below please some key concepts and practices followed by a dharma talk on forgiveness offered by Reverend Reirin Gumbel, Resident Priest of the Milwaukee Zen Center. She and I work together, co-facilitating a learning circle on Process Buddhism.

- Jay McDaniel

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A Third Way

Ways of Dealing with the Three Addictions
from a Process Buddhist Perspective
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The Nature of Suffering (Dukkha):

• Root of Suffering: In Process Buddhism as in any kind of Buddhism, holding onto grudges is understood as a form of attachment that leads to suffering (dukkha). The Buddha taught that clinging to negative emotions perpetuates the cycle of suffering.
• The Four Noble Truths: The first of the Four Noble Truths acknowledges the presence of suffering in life. The second Noble Truth identifies attachment and desire as the causes of suffering. The third Noble Truth offers hope. The relinquishment of clinging is the dropping away of suffering, The fourth Noble Truth offers a path: the Eightfold Path. Process Buddhism draws deeply from aspects of that path, including right speech, right understanding, right mindfulness, right intention. Moving forward in life involves the whole person. The following items are aspects of the path:

Interconnectedness and Impermanence

• Understanding Interconnectedness: Recognizing that all beings are interconnected can reduce feelings of separation and hostility towards others. By seeing the interdependent nature of existence, individuals may develop compassion and empathy, which can counteract feelings of righteous indignation and resentment.
• Embracing Impermanence: Accepting the impermanent nature of all things can help individuals let go of grudges and guilt. Understanding that everything is in a constant state of flux can encourage a more flexible and forgiving attitude towards oneself and others.

Mindfulness, Meditation, and Prayer

• Mindfulness Practices: Regular mindfulness meditation can help individuals become more aware of their thoughts and emotions, allowing them to observe feelings of indignation, resentment, or guilt without being overwhelmed by them. This awareness can create space for more constructive responses.
• Loving-Kindness Meditation (Metta): This practice involves generating feelings of love and compassion towards oneself and others, including those who have caused harm. It can help dissolve feelings of anger and resentment, replacing them with a sense of peace and goodwill.
• Prayer: Understood as a way of being connected to an ocean of tenderness—God or Amida Buddha—in whose presence we live and move and have our being, prayer helps individuals feel accepted in their finitude and humanity. This sense of connection can provide comfort and acceptance, easing feelings of guilt and resentment.

Compassion and Forgiveness

• Cultivating Compassion: Process Buddhism encourages the cultivation of compassion not only for others but also for oneself. This practice can alleviate the burden of guilt and resentment by fostering a deeper understanding of the shared human experience of suffering.
• Practicing Forgiveness: Learning to forgive others and oneself is a crucial step in overcoming addictions to indignation and guilt. Forgiveness can be seen as an ongoing process rather than a one-time event, helping individuals to gradually release their emotional burdens.

Right Action and Ethical Living

• Engaging in Right Action: Adopting ethical principles such as non-harming, honesty, and kindness can help individuals align their actions with their values, reducing cognitive dissonance and guilt.
• Taking Responsibility: Process Buddhism emphasizes taking responsibility for one’s actions and making amends where possible. This approach can help individuals move beyond guilt by actively working to repair any harm they have caused.

Process-Relational Thinking

• Embracing Process-Relational Thinking: Process Buddhism teaches that life is a dynamic, evolving process. By focusing on continuous growth and transformation rather than fixed identities or past mistakes, individuals can adopt a more fluid and forgiving mindset.
• Relinquishing Fixed Narratives: Letting go of rigid narratives about oneself and others can reduce the intensity of indignation and guilt. By seeing life as an ongoing process, individuals can appreciate the potential for change and improvement in themselves and others.

Service to Others

• Engaging in Service: Serving others can help individuals break free from the cycle of indignation, resentment, and guilt. Acts of kindness and service foster a sense of purpose and connection, redirecting focus from personal grievances to communal well-being.
• Building Community: By participating in community service, individuals can build meaningful relationships and develop a sense of belonging. This engagement promotes empathy and reduces feelings of isolation, which are often at the root of indignation and resentment.
• Transformative Action: Service to others encourages transformative action that aligns with ethical and compassionate values. It provides a practical way to express compassion and forgiveness, helping individuals to move beyond personal guilt and towards collective healing.

Supportive Community

• Creating Supportive Networks: Engaging with a supportive community can provide the encouragement and strength needed to overcome addictions to indignation, resentment, and guilt. Being part of a community that values empathy, compassion, and understanding can help individuals feel less isolated and more connected.
• Shared Practices: Participating in shared practices such as group meditation, prayer, or community service can reinforce positive habits and provide a sense of solidarity. These communal activities can help individuals support each other in their journey towards emotional healing.
• Mutual Support: A supportive community offers a space for mutual support, where individuals can share their experiences, listen to each other, and provide guidance. This environment fosters a sense of accountability and collective growth, making it easier to overcome negative emotional patterns.

Traps to Avoid

• Denying the Reality of Harm: Pretending that, from a cosmic or eternal perspective, everything is already perfect, such that harm is an illusion and forgiveness unnecessary. Buddhists fall into this trap when they appeal to "absolute truth" versus "relative truth" and say that, from the absolute perspective, even harm is an illusion and there is nothing to be forgiven. Christians fall into the same trap when they adopt self-conscious "mystic" perspectives that equate God with an "ultimate reality" beyond good or evil or, conversely, picture a more personal God as planning all things to occur just the way they do. Both points of view block out pain by pretending that all is good from an ultimate perspective.
• Idealizing the True Self: Believing that the true self is always perfect and good, and that harmful acts are not part of our true selves. This allows us to differentiate our good and true selves from the harm we do to others or, for that matter, the harm they inflict on us.

A Third Way

• Embracing Imperfection and Transformation Process Buddhism encourages a third way, which acknowledges our imperfections and the reality of harm, yet embraces the possibility of transformation through forgiveness. This third way does not deny the reality of suffering and wrongdoing but invites us to engage with it compassionately and creatively. It recognizes that both forgiving others and seeking forgiveness are pathways to inner freedom and growth. By embracing this process, we can move forward in life with greater love and understanding, contributing to a more compassionate and just world.

​Buddhism and Forgiveness 

a Dharma Talk by Reverend Reirin Gumbel

Reirin Alheidis Gumbel comes to Milwaukee Zen Center from the Shunryu Suzuki lineage of Soto Zen. She received shiho (Dharma transmission) from Furyu Nancy Schroeder in May of 2019 at Green Dragon Temple of San Francisco Zen Center, was ordained as a Soto Zen Priest in 2007, and was head student there for the spring practice period in 2012. Before becoming a resident at Green Gulch Farm Zen Center in 2003, she was lay-ordained in 1993 by Tenshin Reb Anderson and practiced as a lay student at the Santa Cruz Zen Center. Her positions at GGF included guest manager(shika), head of the kitchen(tenzo), and head of the zendo(ino).

During her years at Green Gulch, Reirin headed the Sunday children’s program, and was mentor for the coming-of-age program. She served as secretary on the board of the Marin Interfaith Council, and has for many years held correspondence with various prison inmates. Prior to her monk training, Reirin owned a fiber arts business in Santa Cruz, where she taught countless children and adults to enjoy their creativity. During that time she raised two daughters.
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Born in Germany, Reirin studied music and English and became a high school teacher there. She also completed the Waldorf teacher training in England.

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​Paraphrase and Summary of Talk

"The theme of my latest Sunday talk was about forgetting the self. I emphasized that before we can drop the small self, we must thoroughly investigate and accept our past karma. Ignoring the self without this understanding leads to spiritual bypassing, which is harmful.

A discussion among psychotherapists about forgiveness illustrated this. One man, whose father was murdered, held a grievance for 25 years until he met the perpetrator in prison and realized the man had changed. He understood there was nothing to forgive, recognizing he had suffered needlessly by holding onto his grievance.

We often feel deeply wronged and hold grudges, intensified by ruminating and sympathy from others. It's important to be true to our feelings and accept grief with compassion. However, transforming these feelings through understanding the causes and conditions, empathizing with the wrongdoer, and showing compassion can lead to forgiveness.

Forgiving oneself is crucial, which involves admitting mistakes. We constantly make errors and view the world as hostile. Recognizing our common human nature helps in this process.

David Brazier, a British psychotherapist and Buddhist practitioner, explores this in his book, "The Dark Side of the Mirror: Forgetting the Self in Dogen's Genjo Koan." He emphasizes humility and understanding our vulnerabilities to reduce the self's influence.

Dogen's search for enlightenment and Shakyamuni's path to awakening highlight the importance of humility and letting go of blame. Forgiveness involves letting go of righteousness and recognizing our shared human condition. 

Practicing with the precepts—avoiding evil, doing good, and supporting others—helps the small self drop, revealing our true nature. This clarity allows us to help the world without a sense of separation."