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The Desire to be Relevant and Remarkable:
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​A Process Critique of the Culture of Visibility



A Tradition of Humility and Hidden Virtue

I grew up in a religious tradition that spoke of humility as a virtue and celebrated the depth and beauty of people who were loving in a personal way, yet "unremarkable" in terms of social status. It taught me that self-promotion was a sin and that simple acts of kindness, performed without being noticed, were virtuous. I found myself admiring people who did not promote themselves. Even today, I am more at home with "unremarkable" people, who live ordinary lives, than with people who are self-promoting.

The religious tradition I am speaking of is Christianity. Not the Christianity of pomp and circumstance, not the Christianity of imperial rule, not the Christianity of power, But the Christianity of humility, kindness, community, and compassion. The Christianity that seeks to follow Jesus.

I cannot be this kind of Christian all by myself. I need others to help be live into this Christianity and gain perspective. That's why I am an active member of a local United Methodist church and a lay associate with a local Benedictine community committed to humility, simplicity, service, and love. They help me remember who I am trying to be.

I do not mean to say that Christianity, and Christianity alone, is the key to a life of humility and kindness. I have friends who grew up in other traditions that taught them the same. They—we—find ourselves out of sync with what has come to be called the "culture of visibility."

The Modern Drive for Visibility and Recognition

Several factors in modern society contribute to a pervasive need for individuals to feel "relevant" and "remarkable." Social media fosters a "culture of visibility," in which validation is sought through likes, shares, and follows. This creates a feedback loop where self-worth becomes intertwined with public approval. Individualism and the myth of the "self-made" person further emphasize personal achievement as the primary measure of success, promoting the idea that visibility and recognition are key markers of a successful life. Consumerism compounds this by linking material success with social status, while career pressures demand constant productivity, encouraging individuals to stand out in their fields to avoid being overlooked.

Accomplishment Culture and the Fear of Missing Out

Influencer and celebrity culture heighten the desire for fame and relevance, as the visible few are held up as examples of what it means to be truly successful. Technological advancements also play a role, creating relentless pressure to stay ahead of trends, leading to an underlying fear of obsolescence. The achievement-oriented education system instills a lifelong drive to "succeed" in measurable ways, often defined by external accomplishments rather than personal fulfillment. Coupled with a growing fear of missing out (FOMO) and the complex search for identity in an increasingly globalized world, this drive for recognition leads many to crave relevance and visibility in both personal and professional spheres.

The Academic Obsession with Visibility

Within academic and publishing circles, this drive is expressed in an obsession with parading achievements, particularly through publications. Books and articles, often read by only a small audience, become symbolic markers of relevance and status, reflecting the desire to be seen as accomplished. Scholars and authors are frequently caught in the pursuit of visibility, driven by the volume of their output, even when true readership and engagement remain limited. This trend reinforces the belief that ordinary life is insufficient, pushing people to constantly chase visibility, even if genuine impact remains elusive.

The Mental Health Consequences of Seeking Visibility

The obsession with "being visible" has a pernicious effect on society’s mental health. Constant pressure to be relevant, remarkable, and seen creates a sense of inadequacy, leading to anxiety, burnout, and disconnection from the joys of everyday life. Instead of fostering deeper connections and meaningful contributions, the culture of visibility often results in superficial engagements, reinforcing a cycle of validation-seeking behavior that leaves many feeling empty, even as they appear successful.

Breaking Free: Insights from Process Theology

Process Theology offers a profound critique of the culture of visibility and provides alternative values that can help people break free from its grip. At its core, Process Theology emphasizes relationality and interconnectedness. It challenges the notion that individual success and recognition are paramount, suggesting instead that the true measure of a life well-lived is found in the quality of relationships and the depth of one's responsiveness to others, the world, and God.

In Process thought, God is seen as relational, luring each individual toward acts of kindness, creativity, and connection, regardless of whether those acts are publicly visible. This theological perspective de-centers the ego and shifts the focus from personal achievement to mutual participation in the flourishing of life. Acts of love and creativity do not need to be seen by others to have profound significance. Process Theology invites individuals to recognize that their worth is not determined by societal validation but by the extent to which they align with the ongoing flow of divine love and creativity.

Additionally, Process Theology challenges the linear, achievement-oriented mindset that drives the culture of visibility. Instead of measuring success by external markers like fame or productivity, it encourages a more holistic understanding of success rooted in the dynamic process of becoming—constantly evolving, learning, and contributing to the well-being of others. In this view, life is not about reaching a final state of "remarkable" accomplishment, but about being fully present in each moment, open to possibilities for growth and love.

Another key theme in Process Theology is that of vulnerability and openness to change. The culture of visibility thrives on perfection and control—curating an idealized image for the world to see. In contrast, Process Theology values vulnerability as an essential part of existence. It teaches that true growth and connection happen through moments of vulnerability and openness to others, not through projecting an image of success. This frees individuals from the burden of constantly needing to appear perfect and instead invites them to embrace the messiness of life, where the most meaningful experiences often arise.
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By reorienting one's understanding of value from visibility to relationality, Process Theology offers a liberating alternative to the culture of visibility. It encourages people to step out of the race for recognition and instead find peace and fulfillment in living authentically, cultivating relationships, and responding to the divine call to love and creativity in everyday, often unnoticed, ways.

Practical Steps

Breaking free from the culture of self-promotion and its obsession with being visible is sometimes forced on a person. A person tries to "make it" in such culture and fails. Understandably, he or she feels the "failure" as a failure. It is painful, The temptation is to get up and try again, repeating the cycle. But another option, if possible, is to let the failure become an opportunity for growth, for "opting out" of the culture of visibility and entering into the culture of humility and hidden virtues, the culture of love.

Apart from such failure, there is still another way. It requires a combination of mindset shifts and practical steps. Here are some ways someone might begin this process:

Cultivate Inner Values Over External Validation

  • Practice mindfulness or meditation: These practices can help you become more attuned to your internal sense of worth rather than relying on external approval. Reflect daily on your personal values, purpose, and what truly brings fulfillment.
  • Journal privately: Writing about your experiences and thoughts without the intention to share them helps you connect with your inner life. It’s a way to honor your journey without seeking validation from others.
  • Focus on personal growth: Instead of measuring success by visibility, shift to measuring success by how much you are learning, evolving, and contributing meaningfully to the lives around you.

Prioritize Meaningful Relationships Over Public Recognition

  • Engage in deep, personal conversations: Take time to nurture relationships through sincere interactions that don’t require broadcasting. Build relationships based on trust, empathy, and mutual respect, not for the sake of networking or publicizing connections.
  • Offer acts of kindness privately: Make a habit of doing things for others without letting anyone know. Whether it’s a thoughtful gesture or supporting someone anonymously, these actions help reinforce the value of hidden kindness over public praise.

Embrace Vulnerability and Authenticity

  • Be transparent about struggles: Share the messiness of life with those closest to you rather than curating a perfect image. Vulnerability deepens real connections and frees you from the need to appear flawless.
  • Resist perfectionism: Let go of the need to present yourself as constantly successful or "put together." Accepting imperfections fosters a more authentic sense of self-worth that is not dependent on others' opinions.

Shift from Self-Promotion to Contribution

  • Volunteer or serve others quietly: Engage in volunteer work or community service where your contribution isn’t about recognition but about making a difference. Contributing to the well-being of others is inherently fulfilling.
  • Focus on the process, not the product: Whether it’s creating art, working on a project, or doing your job, find joy in the process itself rather than in how it’s perceived. This shift reduces the focus on external recognition.

 Limit Social Media Use

  • Take breaks from social media: Periodically disconnect from social media to recalibrate and focus on real-life connections and activities that matter to you. Set limits on screen time or specific periods during the day when you refrain from checking social media.
  • Post less frequently or not at all: If you feel pressure to post for visibility, challenge yourself to step back. Share less and focus more on in-person interactions. If you do post, let it be out of genuine sharing, not for validation.
  • Curate your feed: Follow people or organizations that promote positive, meaningful content rather than those that fuel comparison and competition. Surround yourself with ideas that encourage depth rather than superficiality.

Reframe Success and Achievement

  • Redefine success personally: Create a definition of success that aligns with your values, not society’s metrics of visibility or fame. Focus on how you are growing as a person and the impact you have on those closest to you, your community, and the wider world.
  • Celebrate small, private victories: Recognize and appreciate the quiet accomplishments that don’t require public acknowledgment. Reflect on how these personal milestones contribute to your life and the lives of others.

Find Joy in Simplicity and Ordinary Life

  • Practice gratitude for ordinary moments: Cultivate gratitude for the simple joys and routines of everyday life. This helps shift the focus away from needing extraordinary accomplishments for fulfillment.
  • Engage in hobbies for pleasure, not for recognition: Pursue activities purely for the joy they bring, without the need to share or promote them. Whether it’s gardening, reading, painting, or hiking, find fulfillment in doing things for yourself, not for visibility.

Adopt a Community-Oriented Perspective

  • Participate in collective activities: Engage in group activities where the focus is on collaboration rather than individual recognition. This could be anything from a local community group to a religious or spiritual gathering.
  • Be a listener rather than a speaker: Shift your focus from speaking and being noticed to truly listening to others. This fosters humility and encourages deeper connections.

Embrace Process Theology Principles

  • Practice relationality: Focus on the quality of your relationships, seeing each connection as valuable in its own right, rather than for what it can achieve for you.
  • Let go of the need for final outcomes: Understand that life is a process of becoming, and there is no final achievement that defines your worth. Embrace the idea that every moment is valuable, whether seen by others or not.

By integrating these practices into daily life, individuals can gradually free themselves from the pressures of self-promotion and the obsession with visibility, instead finding deeper fulfillment in authenticity, contribution, and meaningful relationships.

Achievement with Humility

Here are some ways to reframe achievement:

Achievement as Service: Rather than seeking accolades, achievements can be seen as ways to serve others and improve the world around us. This aligns with the idea that true success is measured by how much good we bring to our communities and how we help others thrive.

Process over Outcome: A culture of humility emphasizes the importance of the journey and the learning involved in achieving something. The focus shifts from the final result to the process itself—what it teaches us, how it shapes our character, and how we persevere through challenges.

Collective Success: Achievements can be reframed as collective endeavors, where individual success is tied to the success of the group or community. This builds a sense of shared purpose and minimizes the ego-driven desire for personal recognition.

Hidden Virtue: Drawing from traditions that value hidden virtue, accomplishments need not be displayed for validation. Quiet, behind-the-scenes achievements that are meaningful to the person and beneficial to others are valued more than public recognition.

Inner Satisfaction: A culture of humility places emphasis on the deep personal satisfaction that comes from knowing one has done their best, regardless of whether others notice or acknowledge it. It’s about aligning one’s efforts with personal values and feeling at peace with those efforts.

Achievement as Response to Divine Lure: In a process-relational framework, achievements can be seen as responses to the "lures" or callings of life. Instead of focusing on personal glory, achievement becomes a way of responding creatively and lovingly to the opportunities presented by life.

This reframing turns achievement into a more integrative and less ego-centered concept, where humility is not about diminishing one’s capabilities but recognizing that the value of one’s work lies in its ability to contribute to something greater than oneself.



Open Horizons