• Apophatic theology (also called negative theology) emphasizes what cannot be said about God. It proceeds by negation, stressing mystery, unknowing, and the limits of language: e.g., “God is not finite,” “God is not a thing.”
  
• Cataphatic theology (also called positive theology) emphasizes what can be said about God. It uses affirmative language: e.g., “God is love,” “God is light.”
  
  This page takes the spirit of both forms of theology and applies them to pastoral care in the open and relational (process) spirit.
  
  

Examples of the Apophatic Approach
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"What helped me most wasn’t anything he said—it was that he didn’t try to fix me. He just sat with me, in silence sometimes, like he could bear the weight of what I was carrying without needing to lift it. It made me feel less alone, like God was somehow there too, not solving anything, just holding space with me."
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— Mariam A., recipient of care from a parish priest

"After my miscarriage, I didn’t need someone to explain God to me or offer answers. I just needed someone to sit with me in the not-knowing. My pastor didn’t try to fix my pain or give me a theology lesson. She just listened, really listened, and honored the silence. And in that quiet space, something shifted. I began to sense tiny, tender possibilities—what process theology might call initial aims—bubbling up inside me. Not solutions, but directions. Not clarity, but movement. That sacred not-knowing became the place where I started to heal."

— Lena M., teacher and mother of two

"I am pissed! Pissed about what's happening in my country, pissed about the divisions, the cruelty, the lies. I walked into that pastor’s office ready to explode. I expected her to try and calm me down or quote scripture at me. But she didn’t. She just let me be mad. She made space for the fire without trying to smother it. And in that space—without pressure or agenda—I started to hear something beneath the rage. A question I hadn’t asked in a long time: 'What kind of world do I want to help build?' That was the beginning of something new. Not a solution, not a strategy. Just a whisper of an initial aim."

— Derrick J., retired veteran and community organizer

Apophatic and Cataphatic
Pastoral Care

There may be a temptation, in a pastor enthusiastic about open and relational theology and its understanding of God, to want to “share” the open and relational way of thinking with those receiving care. Sometimes this may be appropriate—when a person is seeking theological reframing, or when words about a relational, non-coercive, compassionate God truly offer comfort.

But sometimes, it is not. The deeper pastoral need is not to teach a theological system but to offer a healing presence, one capable of entering into two distinct but complementary modes of care: the apophatic and the cataphatic, relative to the context at hand.

Both forms of pastoral care can be understood as responses to the inwardly felt call of God—what process theology names the initial aims—within the caregiver’s heart. These aims are not commands from beyond, but gentle, inward lures toward healing, wisdom, and compassion.

To perceive them, the caregiver must cultivate a silence of the heart—an interior stillness that quiets ego, anxiety, and agenda. In this silence, the caregiver becomes more attuned to what is needed in the moment: whether to be a quiet companion or a speaking presence, whether to hold space or help shape it.
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Such discernment is not mechanical but intuitive, flowing from a relational openness to both God and the one receiving care. The caregiver listens within as they listen without, letting the rhythm of love—sometimes wordless, sometimes spoken—guide the next step.
The art of pastoral presence lies not in choosing one mode over the other absolutely, but in discerning which is needed now. Here are twenty qualities that together reflect the two sides of this pastoral calling.

Apophatic Pastoral Care

Rooted in reverent silence, presence, and trust in mystery
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• Does not rush to explain – Allows the pain or confusion to be fully felt without offering quick theological or psychological fixes.
• Honors silence as sacred – Holds silence as a healing space, not something to be filled.
• Welcomes questions without needing to answer them – Receives doubt and wondering as part of the sacred process.
• Affirms presence over prescription – Offers calm, attentive presence instead of advice or interpretation.
• Practices non-anxious companionship – Stays grounded and patient, without trying to force movement or resolution.
• Tolerates mystery – Accepts that some things cannot be explained and honors the unknown as part of the sacred.
• Listens deeply without agenda – Hears with the heart, without steering the conversation toward a goal.
• Trusts the inner wisdom of the other – Believes that the person being cared for carries their own emerging insight.
• Shows compassion without interference – Offers love and care without taking over or trying to control.
• Does not take confusion as a failing – Respects uncertainty as a possible place of transformation.

Cataphatic Pastoral Care

Rooted in spoken encouragement, affirming presence, and gentle guidance

• Offers words of encouragement – Speaks kind and supportive words when the moment calls for it.
• Speaks hope into despair – Names possibilities, even in the midst of loss or pain.
• Names the dignity of the person out loud – Affirms the worth, strength, or beauty of the one receiving care.
• Shares meaningful stories or metaphors – Uses narrative or image to offer insight and companionship.
• Offers prayers, blessings, or affirmations – Provides sacred words when invited or appropriate.
• Helps the person reframe their situation – Gently offers alternate ways of seeing their experience.
• Points to sources of strength and resilience – Reminds the person of inner and outer supports.
• Bears witness to the person’s courage and growth – Names and honors the healing already happening.
• Provides gentle guidance when asked – Offers insight or direction with humility and care.
• Reminds the person they are loved and not alone – Speaks the truth of belovedness into their moment of need.

 

​​The Key to Combining the Two Approaches: Holy Listening

The art of moving between apophatic and cataphatic pastoral care is not about mastering a technique—it is about practicing holy listening.

Holy listening is a spiritual posture of attentiveness, humility, and love. It listens with the ears, the heart, and the spirit. It listens not only to words spoken but to the silence between them. It listens for the pain beneath the surface and for the still, small voice of God within and between both people.

This kind of listening is itself a sacrament of presence. It opens space for the initial aims of God to be felt within the caregiver, guiding them moment by moment toward stillness or speech, mystery or meaning, silence or song.

When we practice holy listening, we do not decide in advance which mode of care to adopt. We wait. We receive. We respond. And in doing so, we offer not just our skills but our selves—present, attuned, and available to the sacredness of the moment.
This is the heart of pastoral care in an open and relational theology: not a theology delivered, but a love embodied.

Where Is God in Pastoral Care?

In open and relational theology, God is not distant or detached but deeply present--guiding, feeling, and accompanying. God is both the gentle lure toward healing and the tender witness to all that is felt.

On one side, God is known through the initial aims—those quiet, inward promptings that call both caregiver and care-receiver toward greater truth, beauty, connection, or courage. These divine lures are not commands but possibilities—fresh openings that arise within the heart, often subtle and easily missed, yet filled with grace. For the caregiver, the initial aim might be a nudge to speak a word of hope, or to remain silent and simply be present. For the one receiving care, it may be the slightest stirring toward trust, expression, or rest.

On the other side, God is the consequent nature—the deeply empathic side of God who feels the feelings of all creatures. This is the God who takes in our suffering, our joy, our confusion, and our longing, holding them without judgment. God does not remain aloof from the pain shared in pastoral encounters. Rather, God receives it fully, weaving it into a divine understanding that is always expanding and deepening.

In this way, God is present in every moment of pastoral care:

• As the source of guidance within the caregiver and care-receiver.
• As the loving companion who feels with and for both.
• As the holy presence in the silence, the words, the questions, the touch, the tears.
  

​And sometimes, when the moment is deeply mutual and true, both caregiver and care-receiver feel the presence of divine empathy in a shared way. Their space becomes a sacred place of acceptance and mutuality, where each is seen and valued, and where God is not above them but between them—felt as the warmth of connection, the courage to speak, the grace of being heard.

This is the mystery of God in pastoral care: not controlling, not distant, but lovingly present as both guide and companion, empowering each moment with the possibility of healing and the reality of love.