Donald Trump's Version of Christianity
A Satire in Response to his Happy Easter post
That's My President!
By Rev. Colton Blaze Hardcastle
founder of the Donald Trump Christianity Coalition
Who cannot be inspired by a message like the one our President shared on Truth Social this Easter Sunday? What a way with words!
He may not have been trained in theology—but then again, neither was Moses. What he lacks in seminary credentials, he makes up for in unshakable confidence, strategic vengeance, and a deep love for our country.
He is, without apology, the people’s theologian— a lay apostle of winning, a man anointed not by oil, but by a bullet that grazed his ear, and persecuted, like Christ, for telling the truth.
We are launching an informal movement—a holy uprising of bold, unapologetic believers. Not for the weak. Not for the woke. Not for the watered-down.
This is Christianity for the strong, led by a man who flipped more tables than Jesus ever had the chance to. We call it Donald Trump Christianity.
If you would like to purchase a lapel label with DTC on it (standing for Donald Trump Christianity), think how it would irritate any radical left lunatics or liberals you come in contact. It would be your way of saying: "Up yours, lunatic! I stand for the real Christianity: Donald Trump Christianity.
The Ten Commandments of
Donald Trump Christianity
You shall have no gods before winning.
You shall hate your enemies.
You shall shun the vulnerable (especially if they come from other countries.)
You shall glorify wealth.
You shall say whatever the hell you want to say.
You shall never admit mistakes.
You shall ridicule losers.
You shall control the narrative at all times.
You shall reject diversity, equity, and inclusion.
You shall ignore the Sermon on the Mount.
Our Core Values
Strength over sympathy
Order over inclusion
Merit over mercy
Dominion over democracy
Patriotism over globalism
And the Gospel… over the losers
The Gospel is not for Losers
We are The Strong. The Patriots. The Fighters.
We reject the modern cult of kindness and the myth of equality. We despise the radical left lunatics—and their sleepy former “president” (if you can call him that).
We reject Pope Francis and his gospel of inclusion, diversity, and equality. He calls it Christianity; we call it socialism.
We reject the idea that humans are responsible for global warming and that it is a problem in the first place. The lunatics on the left are the real problem.
We’ve had enough of soft sermons, spineless preachers, and rainbow grace.
Christianity is not about love.
It is about meritocracy, patriotism, and the triumph of the excellent over the expendable.
Christianity is about AMERICA.
We reclaim the muscular Gospel of Jesus,
not the emaciated gospel of handouts and hugs.
Weakness is not virtue—it is failure. Compassion is not Christian—it is compromise.
We don’t pray for our enemies. We crush them. We don’t comfort the fallen. We replace them.
Through meritocracy and spiritual strength, we will build a Kingdom where the worthy belong-- where the rich become very rich and the whole of society soars.
With the help of our president, we can turn our nation into into a prosperous community of gated communities. In the image of his luxury resort, Mar-a-lago.
This is not your grandmother’s church.
This is Christianity the way God meant it:
This is Donald Trump Christianity.
Pure. Patriotic. Powerful. Very rich.
We are The Strong. The Patriots. The Fighters.
We reject the modern cult of kindness and the myth of equality. We despise the radical left lunatics—and their sleepy former “president” (if you can call him that).
We reject Pope Francis and his gospel of inclusion, diversity, and equality. He calls it Christianity; we call it socialism.
We reject the idea that humans are responsible for global warming and that it is a problem in the first place. The lunatics on the left are the real problem.
We’ve had enough of soft sermons, spineless preachers, and rainbow grace.
Christianity is not about love.
It is about meritocracy, patriotism, and the triumph of the excellent over the expendable.
Christianity is about AMERICA.
We reclaim the muscular Gospel of Jesus,
not the emaciated gospel of handouts and hugs.
Weakness is not virtue—it is failure. Compassion is not Christian—it is compromise.
We don’t pray for our enemies. We crush them. We don’t comfort the fallen. We replace them.
Through meritocracy and spiritual strength, we will build a Kingdom where the worthy belong-- where the rich become very rich and the whole of society soars.
With the help of our president, we can turn our nation into into a prosperous community of gated communities. In the image of his luxury resort, Mar-a-lago.
This is not your grandmother’s church.
This is Christianity the way God meant it:
This is Donald Trump Christianity.
Pure. Patriotic. Powerful. Very rich.