Official Announcement

First Annual Congressional Conformity Competition


The Society for the Prevention of Independent Thought (SPIT) is excited to announce the first-ever Congressional Conformity Competition, an extraordinary event designed to celebrate and reward exceptional displays of uniformity, blind loyalty, and unwavering obedience.

Date: July 4th
Location: Capitol Hill, Grand Hall of Unity
Time: 9:00 AM to 5:00 PM

Competition Categories:

  • Rapid Agreement Relay: Participants compete to instantly agree with shifting party lines without any visible hesitation.
  • Synchronized Applause Showcase: Teams judged on their ability to applaud vigorously and in perfect unison, regardless of the statement made.
  • Echo Chamber Excellence: Individual contestants tested on their skill in flawlessly repeating party-approved talking points without deviation.
  • Loyalty Oath Marathon: Endurance test for members continuously reciting loyalty oaths, judged on sincerity and enthusiasm.

Judging Panel: Esteemed leaders renowned for their unparalleled conformity, including Representative Conform and Senator Loyal.

Prizes Include:

  • "Golden Sheep Award" – Highest honor awarded to the most conformist individual.
  • "Echo Chamber Champion Trophy" – Presented to the best team performance in synchronized applause.

Join us as we celebrate the extraordinary conformity that keeps Congress strong, united, and perfectly predictable. Admission is free, but independent thinking is strictly prohibited.


Society for the Prevention of Independent Thought (SPIT)



In a bold step toward unprecedented unity, Congress is proud to announce the establishment of the "Society for the Prevention of Independent Thought" (SPIT). This society is dedicated to safeguarding congressional members from the potentially dangerous impulse of thinking independently or questioning party leadership.
The Society offers comprehensive training sessions designed to reinforce groupthink, strengthen adherence to party-approved messaging, and eliminate any residual inclination toward independent reasoning. Members will benefit from regular workshops such as:

  • "Yes, Leader!" – Advanced techniques in unconditional agreement.
  • "No Thought Left Behind" – Strategies to suppress original ideas.
  • "Hotline for Hesitancy" – A 24-hour support line for immediate intervention when independence threatens.

Representative Conform proudly stated, "We understand that thinking for oneself can be confusing and disruptive. SPIT ensures our members remain comfortably aligned with party mandates, protecting them from the hazards of autonomy."
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Early response from Congress has been overwhelmingly supportive. Senator Loyal enthusiastically endorsed the initiative, "I've always felt uneasy whenever original thoughts crossed my mind. Now, thanks to SPIT, I can safely say those days are behind me."
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SPIT is expected to be fully operational by next month, ensuring Congress remains as unified, predictable, and sycophantic as ever.


​Expanding Influence: 
SPIT's Plan to Shape Broader Society


The Society for the Prevention of Independent Thought (SPIT) recognizes that congressional unity alone is insufficient. To achieve a truly compliant society, SPIT is proud to announce several ambitious initiatives aimed at impacting broader society.

1. SPIT Internship Program SPIT will launch an internship program designed to groom the next generation of conformists. Interns will receive rigorous training in areas such as:

  • "Echo Chamber Etiquette" – Mastering the art of agreeing without question.
  • "Groupthink 101" – Understanding why independent thought is detrimental.
  • "Message Discipline" – Techniques to ensure unwavering repetition of approved talking points.

2. Educational Partnerships SPIT will partner with select educational institutions to integrate conformity-focused curricula into classrooms nationwide. Courses will include:
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  • "The Joy of Conformity" – Teaching students the value of avoiding critical thinking.
  • "Historical Perspectives: Great Moments in Blind Loyalty" – Celebrating figures who maintained unwavering obedience.

3. Media Training Initiatives Recognizing the critical role media plays in shaping public opinion, SPIT will offer specialized workshops to journalists, bloggers, and influencers. Training topics will include:

  • "Objective Obedience" – Reporting news without analysis or criticism.
  • "Consistent Messaging" – Ensuring all media narratives align seamlessly with official party lines.

4. Community Outreach Programs SPIT will establish local community groups dedicated to promoting the ideals of uniformity and unquestioning loyalty at the grassroots level. Programs include:

  • "Neighborhood Conformity Circles" – Weekly meetings to reinforce community-wide agreement on all issues.
  • "Unity Parades" – Events to celebrate and visibly demonstrate collective obedience and loyalty.

Through these extensive efforts, SPIT aims to create a society that embraces conformity as a foundational value, ensuring stability, predictability, and unwavering loyalty in all facets of life.
Open Horizons