​The Mean-ification of America™

Making Cruelty Convenient Again

Public Announcement:

In a bold move that has been a long time coming, the U.S. government—through a proud partnership with the Republican Party and the Trump administration—formally unveils its newest cultural leadership initiative: The Mean-ification of America™. This dynamic task force will lead the charge in redefining American values for the modern era, replacing outdated ideals like compassion, understanding, and basic decency with a streamlined focus on sarcasm, superiority, and strategic cruelty.

Below is our founding statement, including our mission, core workgroups, and officially sanctioned slogans.

Mission Statement:

At The Mean-ification of America, we believe that kindness is weakness, empathy is a fault, and decency is a gateway drug to socialism. Our mission, in proud collaboration with the Republican Party and the Trump administration, is to create a nation where sarcasm is sacred, humiliation is healing, and every moment is a chance for cruelty.

Workgroups:

• Benevolence Eradication: Actively scrubbing empathy from public policy and bathroom walls.
• Strategic Outrage: Providing daily talking points to ensure that everything, even free school lunches, is perceived as a communist plot.
• Historical Revisionism: Because nothing says patriotism like teaching third graders that slavery was a career development program.
• Faith-Based Furies: Replacing the Beatitudes with the X memes: Blessed are the permanently outraged, for they shall always have an audience.
• National Purity: Tasked with turning refugees and immigrants into objects of disdain and suspicion. We specialize in dehumanizing rhetoric and logistical excellence in sending people home—regardless of how long they've lived here, how needy they are, or whether "home" is a safe place to return.

Slogans:
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• “No Empathy, No Problem”
• “If You Can Read This, You’re Woke.”
• "Civility Is for Snowflakes"
• "Make America Grate Again"
• "Sarcasm: Our Second Language"
• "Feelings? Not My Department"
• "Kindness Kills Capitalism"

Phrases We Will No Longer Tolerate:
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• “We’re all in this together.”
• “Hate has no home here.”
• “Stronger through diversity.”
• “Practice random acts of kindness.”
• “Love your neighbor as yourself.”
• “Compassionate conservatism.”