Royal Shakespeare Company:
Act 1 Scene 1 of King Lear
Commentary
"He wants to be flattered, and we will flatter him. We will craft our words like silk, weaving them into the tapestry of his ego, ensuring that each thread shimmers with praise. We will tell him he is wise, even when his judgment falters; we will call him strong, even when he wavers. We will tell him that we love him more than anything in the world, that no one else could ever be as dear to us as he is. We will make him feel larger than life, his flaws invisible, his will unquestioned. He will hear only what he longs to hear, and in our voices, he will find the reflection of the self he most desires to be."
The imaginary voices are those of Goneril and Regan in King Lear. They are my paraphrase of what they were thinking as they flattered their father. You recall the story—how their father, eager for reassurance, mistook their flattery for love and rewarded them with power. Lear, in his old age, sought to divide his kingdom among his three daughters, believing he could relinquish the burdens of rule while still enjoying the honor and reverence of kingship. But he did not distribute his land according to wisdom or merit—he demanded that his daughters first profess their love for him, believing that their words would be the measure of their devotion. Goneril and Regan, cunning and self-serving, recognized the moment for what it was: an opportunity. They lavished their father with extravagant declarations, their praise shimmering with false devotion. Cordelia, the one daughter who truly loved him, refused to indulge in such theatrical excess. She offered honesty instead of flattery—and was disowned for it.
Thus, Lear's downfall began at the very moment he thought he was securing his legacy. By dividing his kingdom based on hollow words rather than genuine loyalty, he placed power in the hands of those who sought it for their own ends. Goneril and Regan, having won their inheritance through deception, no longer needed to maintain their performance. Once they had land, wealth, and armies at their disposal, their father became a burden rather than a benefactor. Stripping him of his remaining dignity, they cast him out into the storm, leaving him to wander in madness. His trust in flattery had cost him everything—his authority, his family, and, ultimately, his sense of self.
Politics and the Culture of Flattery
I know people who praise God too much. They lavish compliment upon compliment on God, as if God's very identity depends on being flattered. As if God were a king on a throne rather than a humble and loving person, perhaps a carpenter, who washes feet, hangs around with sinners, and dies on a cross.
For my part, I suspect that God grows weary of such flattery and would much rather we focus on loving one another. At least, this must be the case if, as open and relational theologians suggest, God is love. God, I imagine, does not seek constant affirmation or insist on being the center of attention. God is patient, kind, and humble, willing to step aside so that love might flourish among us.
The idea that someone's identity depends on being flattered is not limited to religion; it is a familiar theme in politics as well. We have rendered unto presidents and senators and congressional leaders what doesn't even belong to God: an obsession with being flattered.
At high levels of governmental power, the dominant currency often seems to be flattery. In political chambers, where influence is everything, flattery frequently replaces truth as the primary means of gaining favor, securing promotions, and maintaining authority. Leaders surrounded by sycophants hear not what they need to hear, but what they want to hear, creating an echo chamber where reality is distorted and accountability is diminished. Decisions are not made based on wisdom or ethical responsibility but on the careful management of egos, where those who offer the most extravagant praise rise while those who speak truth to power are sidelined.
For my part, I suspect that God grows weary of such flattery and would much rather we focus on loving one another. At least, this must be the case if, as open and relational theologians suggest, God is love. God, I imagine, does not seek constant affirmation or insist on being the center of attention. God is patient, kind, and humble, willing to step aside so that love might flourish among us.
The idea that someone's identity depends on being flattered is not limited to religion; it is a familiar theme in politics as well. We have rendered unto presidents and senators and congressional leaders what doesn't even belong to God: an obsession with being flattered.
At high levels of governmental power, the dominant currency often seems to be flattery. In political chambers, where influence is everything, flattery frequently replaces truth as the primary means of gaining favor, securing promotions, and maintaining authority. Leaders surrounded by sycophants hear not what they need to hear, but what they want to hear, creating an echo chamber where reality is distorted and accountability is diminished. Decisions are not made based on wisdom or ethical responsibility but on the careful management of egos, where those who offer the most extravagant praise rise while those who speak truth to power are sidelined.
Deceptive Flattery
as False Relationality
Process Philosophy and King Lear
The term "relationality" in process philosophy describes the fundamental truth that nothing exists in isolation. Everything is what it is in relation to other things, and the universe itself is a vast web of interconnected becoming. From subatomic particles to galaxies, from human identities to ecosystems, all existence is shaped through relationships.
Human beings, in particular, do not develop in isolation but through ongoing exchanges with others, where influence is both given and received. However, relationality is not inherently good—it can be life-enhancing or life-destroying, healthy or unhealthy. Some relationships foster mutual growth, creativity, and love, while others reinforce delusion, manipulation, and harm. To cultivate genuine connection, it is crucial to distinguish healthy relationality from unhealthy relationality, recognizing when interactions support mutual flourishing and when they distort and diminish.
One such form of unhealthy relationality is deceptive flattery or manipulative praise, in which praise is used not as an expression of genuine admiration but as a tool for control, self-interest, or personal gain. Unlike sincere affirmation, which encourages and nurtures, deceptive flattery distorts reality, erodes trust, and fosters dependence on external validation. While it may appear harmless or even beneficial in the short term, flattery designed to manipulate ultimately weakens relationships, obstructs honest dialogue, and enables exploitation. In a world where relationality is the foundation of personal and communal well-being, the presence of flattery for the wrong reasons is a subtle but deeply corrupting force—one that shapes individuals and institutions toward illusion rather than truth.
Human beings, in particular, do not develop in isolation but through ongoing exchanges with others, where influence is both given and received. However, relationality is not inherently good—it can be life-enhancing or life-destroying, healthy or unhealthy. Some relationships foster mutual growth, creativity, and love, while others reinforce delusion, manipulation, and harm. To cultivate genuine connection, it is crucial to distinguish healthy relationality from unhealthy relationality, recognizing when interactions support mutual flourishing and when they distort and diminish.
One such form of unhealthy relationality is deceptive flattery or manipulative praise, in which praise is used not as an expression of genuine admiration but as a tool for control, self-interest, or personal gain. Unlike sincere affirmation, which encourages and nurtures, deceptive flattery distorts reality, erodes trust, and fosters dependence on external validation. While it may appear harmless or even beneficial in the short term, flattery designed to manipulate ultimately weakens relationships, obstructs honest dialogue, and enables exploitation. In a world where relationality is the foundation of personal and communal well-being, the presence of flattery for the wrong reasons is a subtle but deeply corrupting force—one that shapes individuals and institutions toward illusion rather than truth.
Ten Problems with Exaggerated Praise
- Distorts reality – Manipulative praise creates illusions rather than offering an honest reflection of a person’s strengths and weaknesses, making it difficult for them to see themselves clearly.
- Undermines authenticity – In healthy relationality, individuals influence one another in truthful and meaningful ways. Deceptive flattery replaces sincerity with performance, weakening real connections.
- Encourages dependence on external validation – When someone becomes reliant on flattery for self-worth, they lose their capacity for inner self-awareness, basing their identity on how others praise them rather than on genuine self-knowledge.
- Gives power to manipulators – Those who seek constant affirmation become vulnerable to exploitation, as manipulators use flattery to influence their decisions for personal gain.
- Suppresses honest dialogue – In relationships, communities, and organizations, manipulative praise discourages constructive feedback, making it difficult for individuals or groups to grow and adapt.
- Creates superficial relationships – Flattery fosters conditional rather than authentic bonds, where interactions are shaped by mutual benefit rather than genuine care and connection.
- Leads to moral and intellectual stagnation – When leaders, thinkers, or individuals are surrounded by sycophants, they stop challenging themselves, leading to stagnation in ethical and creative development.
- Destroys trust over time – Once someone realizes they have been flattered deceptively, they lose trust in those who praised them, making future relationships strained or broken.
- Weakens the capacity for mutual transformation – In process philosophy, true relationality is co-creative and adaptive. Deceptive flattery locks individuals into rigid, false identities rather than allowing them to evolve through genuine engagement.
- Results in isolation and disillusionment – In the long run, those who build their lives around flattery often find themselves alone. When the flatterers no longer have anything to gain, they disappear, leaving the once-praised individual abandoned and uncertain about who they really are.
The Humility of God
The God of Open and Relational Theology, a God of love, does not need or require flattery. Divine worth is not dependent on endless praise or grand declarations of devotion. This is not God's concern. God got off the throne a long time ago and came down to earth—not to be exalted, but to be with us, among us, working within creation to nurture love, justice, and compassion. Rather than demanding worship in the form of empty words, God calls us to love one another and build communities of mutual care, where each person’s worth is not measured by superiority over others but by their participation in relationships of kindness and solidarity.
In such communities, false praise is unneeded, because dignity is not something to be earned through performance or public recognition—it is a given, affirmed in the simple act of belonging. In a world shaped by God’s love, people do not seek flattery to validate their existence; instead, they find worth in shared life, mutual care, and the recognition of one another’s intrinsic value. No one needs to be elevated above others to feel seen. No one needs excessive praise to feel whole.
Jesus had a way of naming this reality. He called it the kingdom of God on earth as it is in heaven—a way of life where love replaces hierarchy, where humility is not a weakness but a strength, and where people are drawn together not by power and status but by the shared commitment to justice, mercy, and peace. This is the world God invites us to co-create—not a world ruled by the fragile egos of those who demand flattery, but a world rooted in authentic relationships, where every person knows they matter, simply because they exist, and because they are loved.
In such communities, false praise is unneeded, because dignity is not something to be earned through performance or public recognition—it is a given, affirmed in the simple act of belonging. In a world shaped by God’s love, people do not seek flattery to validate their existence; instead, they find worth in shared life, mutual care, and the recognition of one another’s intrinsic value. No one needs to be elevated above others to feel seen. No one needs excessive praise to feel whole.
Jesus had a way of naming this reality. He called it the kingdom of God on earth as it is in heaven—a way of life where love replaces hierarchy, where humility is not a weakness but a strength, and where people are drawn together not by power and status but by the shared commitment to justice, mercy, and peace. This is the world God invites us to co-create—not a world ruled by the fragile egos of those who demand flattery, but a world rooted in authentic relationships, where every person knows they matter, simply because they exist, and because they are loved.
Toward a Culture of
Authenticity and Integrity
Politically
Encourage a Culture of Honest Feedback
Personally
Practice Honest and Constructive Communication
Encourage a Culture of Honest Feedback
- Government officials and policymakers should create systems that welcome criticism and diverse perspectives, ensuring decisions are informed by reality rather than sycophantic praise.
- Regular town halls, advisory councils, and transparency initiatives can provide spaces for genuine dialogue.
- Voters and political parties should prioritize competence, humility, and a willingness to listen over charisma and rhetorical grandstanding.
- Public debates and interviews should focus on substance rather than spectacle, encouraging deeper engagement with policies rather than superficial praise.
- A culture of flattery in politics often leads to unchecked power. Strong independent oversight committees, ethical review boards, and whistleblower protections help ensure that truth is not suppressed.
- A free and independent press is essential to challenge false narratives and hold leaders accountable.
- Politicians should be encouraged (and expected) to speak with candor and humility, acknowledging mistakes rather than spinning failures into false victories.
- Public relations strategies should focus on transparency rather than cultivating a cult of personality around leaders.
- Flattery in politics often takes the form of blind nationalism or excessive loyalty to a single leader.
- A healthy democracy requires critical engagement, where love of country includes the courage to point out flaws and work toward improvement.
Personally
Practice Honest and Constructive Communication
- In daily life, prioritize genuine appreciation over exaggerated praise. Acknowledge strengths without inflating egos, and offer constructive feedback when needed.
- In friendships and workplaces, choose honesty over appeasement, fostering relationships based on trust rather than manipulation.
- Recognize when a desire for praise stems from insecurity rather than genuine connection. Cultivate confidence from within, rather than relying on external validation.
- Be open to criticism as an opportunity for growth rather than a threat to self-worth.
- Seek relationships that encourage truth-telling and accountability, rather than ones that simply reinforce what you want to hear.
- Welcome diverse perspectives that expand understanding rather than confirming biases.
- In leadership, friendships, and personal life, acknowledge limitations and mistakes. Admitting when you are wrong fosters trust and deeper relationality.
- A culture that values mutual learning over individual glorification creates more meaningful personal and social connections.