Digital Humility: From Social Media Exhibitionism
to Community-Centered Connectivity
Many people today are trapped. They want to participate in digital communities, but they are repelled by the practice and culture of social media exhibitionism. They want cultures of digital humility, where friendships can be genuine, not digital exhibitionism, where the focus in on showcasing personal achievements, self-marketing, and curated images of the self.
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Social media exhibitionism is both a practice and a culture. As a practice, it involves excessive sharing of achievements online, usually with the intention of gaining attention, validation, or admiration from others, albeit under the seemingly innocent rubric of "sharing." As a culture it is an ethos or atmosphere which emphasizes personal achievement over community, comparisons over friendships. Often such cultures promote subtle forms of envy and feed off the needs of practitioners for validation. Its dominant mood is "Look at me."
Digital humility is also a practice and a culture. As a practice it involves shifting the spotlight from individual accomplishments to the contributions and successes of the community, and the enjoyment of friendships not based on achievements. As a culture it is an ethos of mutual care not self-congratulation. It avoids self-promotion and self-marketing because the effects are toxic. Its dominant mood is "Let's take care of each other."
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I borrow the phrase "social media exhibitionism" from a friend, a kindred spirit in the process theological community. She used it in a note to me, explaining why she was leaving Facebook and Instagram. "Social media exhibitionism creates a toxic environment of perpetual comparison," she said, "and it seems like the very opposite of what process theology wants to be about. In any case, it's killing me. That's why I'm getting off Facebook, Instagram, and other platforms. They are turning me into my worst self."
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When she said this, I worried that she was talking about me. I post a lot, probably way too much, on Facebook. I try not to make my posts about me, but I'm sure I fail, and I don't doubt that there is some kind of need for validation behind the posts. This troubles me. I do not want to be a social media exhibitionist.
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I also think she was right to say that social media exhibitionism runs counter to the teachings and spirit of process theology. We in the process world often emphasize the cultivation of communities where individuals connect authentically, free from the trappings of status and self-promotion. In this way, we affirm the wisdom of many wisdom traditions from all parts of the world—Christianity, Islam, Taoism, Buddhism, for example—that encourage humility, compassion, and community, and that discourage bragging and self-marketing. Our aim is to promote community, not comparison; compassion, not envy; mutual appreciation, not hierarchy. We believe that beloved communities are God's very hopes for the world. We believe in a God of humility, not self-aggrandizement. A self-emptying God whose heart is found in the meek, not the vain, the humble, not the boastful.
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What is the alternative to social media exhibitionism? To use my friend's phrase, it is "a culture of digital humility." The phrase digital humility was new to me, too. What might such a culture look like and feel like? I think it would have these characteristics.
If process theology has anything to add to contemporary discussions of social media, perhaps it is that we need cultures of digital community for life's sake. We need to partner with other people who are likewise committed to a life of community not comparisons. This is one reason that I, as a Christian, so identify with the Benedictines. Below I share a bit of what a Benedictine approach to social media might look like.
- Jay McDaniel
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Social media exhibitionism is both a practice and a culture. As a practice, it involves excessive sharing of achievements online, usually with the intention of gaining attention, validation, or admiration from others, albeit under the seemingly innocent rubric of "sharing." As a culture it is an ethos or atmosphere which emphasizes personal achievement over community, comparisons over friendships. Often such cultures promote subtle forms of envy and feed off the needs of practitioners for validation. Its dominant mood is "Look at me."
Digital humility is also a practice and a culture. As a practice it involves shifting the spotlight from individual accomplishments to the contributions and successes of the community, and the enjoyment of friendships not based on achievements. As a culture it is an ethos of mutual care not self-congratulation. It avoids self-promotion and self-marketing because the effects are toxic. Its dominant mood is "Let's take care of each other."
*
I borrow the phrase "social media exhibitionism" from a friend, a kindred spirit in the process theological community. She used it in a note to me, explaining why she was leaving Facebook and Instagram. "Social media exhibitionism creates a toxic environment of perpetual comparison," she said, "and it seems like the very opposite of what process theology wants to be about. In any case, it's killing me. That's why I'm getting off Facebook, Instagram, and other platforms. They are turning me into my worst self."
*
When she said this, I worried that she was talking about me. I post a lot, probably way too much, on Facebook. I try not to make my posts about me, but I'm sure I fail, and I don't doubt that there is some kind of need for validation behind the posts. This troubles me. I do not want to be a social media exhibitionist.
*
I also think she was right to say that social media exhibitionism runs counter to the teachings and spirit of process theology. We in the process world often emphasize the cultivation of communities where individuals connect authentically, free from the trappings of status and self-promotion. In this way, we affirm the wisdom of many wisdom traditions from all parts of the world—Christianity, Islam, Taoism, Buddhism, for example—that encourage humility, compassion, and community, and that discourage bragging and self-marketing. Our aim is to promote community, not comparison; compassion, not envy; mutual appreciation, not hierarchy. We believe that beloved communities are God's very hopes for the world. We believe in a God of humility, not self-aggrandizement. A self-emptying God whose heart is found in the meek, not the vain, the humble, not the boastful.
*
What is the alternative to social media exhibitionism? To use my friend's phrase, it is "a culture of digital humility." The phrase digital humility was new to me, too. What might such a culture look like and feel like? I think it would have these characteristics.
- Authentic Expression: A culture of digital humility encourages sharing that reflects the full spectrum of life experiences, rather than just the highlights. This approach promotes a more accurate depiction of human experience, which fosters empathy and true connection. It avoids caricatures.
- Community Focus: A culture of digital humility involves shifting the spotlight from individual accomplishments to the contributions and successes of the community. It values content that supports, enhances, and engages with the community, strengthening communal ties.
- Responsive Interaction: A culture of digital humility values adaptability and supportiveness in online exchanges, which should be about mutual influence and aid, rather than showcasing personal insights or achievements.
- Reduction of Hierarchies: A culture of digital humility works to dismantle the social media hierarchies that elevate some voices over others based on superficial metrics like follower counts and likes, publications, and academic achievements. Instead, it promotes an egalitarian digital space where every participant's contribution is valued equally.
- Encouragement of Co-presence: A culture of digital humility fosters interactions that make people feel connected in meaningful ways, encouraging a sense of belonging and community.
- Avoidance of Self-Promotion: A culture of digital humility encourages the old-fashioned virtue of humility: of putting others first and not elevating oneself.
If process theology has anything to add to contemporary discussions of social media, perhaps it is that we need cultures of digital community for life's sake. We need to partner with other people who are likewise committed to a life of community not comparisons. This is one reason that I, as a Christian, so identify with the Benedictines. Below I share a bit of what a Benedictine approach to social media might look like.
- Jay McDaniel
A Christian Approach to Digital Humility
Embracing Benedictine Values in Social Media Use
- Embrace Humility: Reflect on the Benedictine value of humility. Instead of using social media to showcase your achievements, use it as a platform to share thoughts or works that benefit others.
- Value Silence and Reflection: Incorporate periods of silence and reflection in your daily routine, minimizing the noise of constant online presence. This practice encourages deeper self-awareness and reduces the urge to seek attention.
- Promote Community Over Self: Shift the focus from individual accomplishments to community achievements and stories. Highlight how group efforts contribute to larger goals, reflecting the Benedictine emphasis on communal life.
- Balance Work with Prayer: Balance your online activities with offline spiritual practices such as prayer or meditation. This helps maintain a focus on personal growth rather than external validation.
- Cultivate Modesty in Sharing: When you do share online, choose content that exemplifies modesty and simplicity, avoiding extravagant displays or boastful posts.
- Serve Others: Use your social media platforms to share information and resources that are helpful to others. Promoting services, sharing educational content, and supporting charitable causes can replace self-focused posts.
- Regular Digital Detoxes: Emulate the Benedictine retreat from worldly affairs by regularly disconnecting from digital devices. This can help maintain a clear boundary between online life and spiritual life, keeping you grounded in your values.
- Jay McDaniel