​A Tender Care that Nothing be Forgotten

God cannot reverse the loss of memory in someone with Alzheimers. God cannot bring back "the old mom" or "the old dad." But God can remember every single moment of that person's life with a tender care that nothing be forgotten. And God can appreciate the inherent value of each person in the present moment, the image of God within them. We, their loved ones, can can appreciate all others in this way, too. At least this is how we open and relational (process) theologians see things. And this is how the Anglican priest, Tish Harrison, understands things. Excerpts from her essay are presented here, with a link to the NY Times.

- Jay McDaniel, 9/25/2022


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​Our Memory Is Flawed.
​Luckily, God’s Isn’t.

Sept. 18, 2022
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​Excerpts
Memory, for all of us, speaks to our inherent limitations. Forgetting is part of what it is to be human. That becomes more evident when facing Alzheimer’s. But even for those of us who do not have dementia, almost all of our days have faded from view.

What was I doing three years ago today? Or five? Or ten? What conversations did I have? Who was I with? Did I find joy or discouragement that day? I have no idea. I can only tell you the broad outline: where I lived, where I worked, how old I was. The details — those invaluable and ordinary conversations, coincidences and choices that make up each day of our lives — are lost to time.

*

We as human beings cannot ever truly possess, to steal a phrase from one of my favorite writers, Annie Dillard, a “net for catching days.” Not a reliable one, anyway. The nets of memory are all riddled with holes, and most of our days will pass right through them. But though they won’t be caught, those days will still be lived. They still matter. What my mom reminds me of amid all her forgotten moments is that the only moment we can catch is the one we are in right now. But this moment, however grievous or joyful or ordinary, comes with an invitation to notice it. This very second is a gift to be received, a blessing offered in love that we did not earn and cannot cling to.

*

In his book on dementia, the Scottish pastor and theologian John Swinton wrote that we as a culture have a bias toward what he called “cortextualism”— a bias toward fusing our understanding of personhood with higher-order thinking and reasoning that leads us to depreciate the humanity of those not capable of typical cognition, including dementia patients.

But dementia cannot erase our inherent dignity or value. It does not erase the image of God in us. Cortextualism fails to see the intrinsic glory and beauty in each human life. It also strikes me as profoundly arrogant and self-deceived, rooted in the notion that with enough privilege, health and power, we can make ourselves strong; we can white-knuckle our way to the good life. But all of us, and every one of our strengths, are made of flimsy material.

*

My mother may eventually forget me, her daughter whom she deeply loves. But God will not forget my mother. “At the heart of God’s intimate knowing of human beings,” writes Swinton, “lies God’s remembering of us.” He explains that the scriptures suggest that all things are eternally present to God, who is outside of and unbeholden to time. For God to remember someone, then, means that they are present to God, and therefore their existence and worth are safe, fixed and undiminished.

I do not and cannot know what lies ahead for my mom, or for me, or for anyone I love. I do not know what I will remember and what I will not. I do not know if everything I’ve ever said and written and done will be lost and forgotten. But my hope is that we are held fast, even now, in the eternal memory of God.
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Tish Harrison Warren (@Tish_H_Warren) is a priest in the Anglican Church in North America and the author of “Prayer in the Night: For Those Who Work or Watch or Weep.”


More in Open Horizons on
Spirituality and Dementia
​ 

Alzheimers and the Consequent Nature of God​
Loving Friends with Alzheimers 
Where is God in Alzheimer's Disease?
Stepping Inside Your Shoes: Alzheimer's Disease, Validation Therapy, and Process Theology
Whose Mother am I? Documentary on an Alzheimers Caregiver in Thailand
The Gift of Loving Attention: Process Theology and Alzheimer's Disease
The Hallelujah Chorus and its Emotional Impact

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