Hearing the Soft Whispers

Open and Relational Discernment

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​Even as we are pulled in all directions, we find our centre in Love.
Even as we enter the deep, we are buoyed by the embrace of Love.
Even as the way remains unclear, we are lured by Love.

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The invitation is ordinary and awesome:
a soft whisper breathed into a tired heart,
an open hand gently waiting to be clasped.
With every breath we seek to open to the invitation.

​- Beth Hayward, Preaching the
​Uncontrolling Love of God
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Five Ways to hear the Soft Whispers​
Process and Discernment

Process theology emphasizes that God interacts with the world not through coercion but through persuasion. This means that God offers possibilities, or "lures," for achieving good and aligns with our deepest values and the wellbeing of the world. These divine lures are gentle suggestions towards the best possible actions we can take in any given situation.

The discernment of God's will, then, involves being attuned to these lures amid the many temptations or less optimal paths that present themselves. This attunement is both a conscious and unconscious process. Consciously, it can involve reflective practices like prayer, meditation, or community discussion to explore the most loving or just action in a situation. Unconsciously, it can involve developing an intuitive sense, a habit of the heart, which guides our spontaneous reactions in daily life.

In practical terms, discerning God's will in the face of temptations can mean fostering a sense of inner peace and clarity that helps differentiate between impulses that lead towards growth and those that lead towards stagnation or harm. It can also mean participating in communities that support one's growth and challenge one's limitations, offering feedback and perspectives that clarify God's lures. Here are six ways to become more attuned to God's lures.

1. Meditation and Prayer: Regular meditation or prayer can help quiet the mind and focus attention on the deeper impulses within us. This can make it easier to sense the subtle nudges or lures from God that guide us towards better choices. These practices can be structured around specific intentions, such as seeking clarity on a decision or cultivating qualities like compassion and patience.​
2. Reflective Journaling: Writing about your experiences and the feelings associated with them can help you recognize patterns and deeper motivations. Journaling offers a way to externalize thoughts and feelings and reflect on them more objectively, which can illuminate God’s lures.
3. Community Dialogue: Engaging with a community that shares your values can provide a sounding board for discerning God’s guidance. Community members can offer different perspectives and insights that might reveal aspects of a situation you hadn’t considered, helping to discern the most life-affirming actions.
4. Spiritual Direction: Consulting with a spiritual director or mentor who is trained in listening and guiding people in their spiritual journey can be invaluable. They can help you interpret your experiences and feelings, pointing out where God might be leading you, especially when it’s difficult to discern on your own.
5. Attending to the Body: Sometimes, our physical responses can give us clues about our deep-seated reactions to choices before us. Practices like mindful walking or yoga can increase body awareness and help us recognize how different options resonate physically, which can be a form of discerning God’s lures.
6. Nature Immersion: Spending time in nature can facilitate a connection to the larger web of life, often making the divine lures more apparent. Nature’s rhythms can mirror the process of spiritual discernment, where every element is connected and interdependent, suggesting ways we might align more closely with God’s aims for wellbeing and creativity.

These practices are not just about making decisions but about cultivating a way of being that is more consistently receptive to God’s guidance, deepening your spiritual journey in everyday life. Here are some guidelines:

Love's Breathing

Open and relational theologians speak of God's felt lures within the heart as "nudgings." They are not the only nudgings in the heart; there are many others, some destructive. But deep within us, there are also divine nudgings. We can experience them as soft whispers or as loud claps; as gentle kisses or lightning bolts.

What are these nudgings? They are not abstract ideas we entertain with our minds; they are inwardly felt lures we feel in our hearts. Always, they are fresh possibilities for living in ways that are wise, compassionate, creative, and fulfilling, relative to the circumstances at hand.

They can be nudgings to pay attention, to delight in beauty, to be compassionate, to be devoted, to be enthusiastic, to be forgiving, to be hospitable, to be imaginative, to live justly, to be kind, to listen, to love, to play, to be honest, to seek truth, to be open to mystery. These nudgings are relative to the circumstances at hand. They embody an appropriate response to the situations we face personally and socially. If we are open to them and actualize them, they are forms of flourishing.

​Beth Hayward speaks of them in her prayer as "soft whispers" that breathe life into us when we have tired hearts and when we are pulled in many different directions. We can speak of them as divine Breathing.

The Breather and the Breathing

Many people will want to distinguish the Breathing from a separate Breather. They will want to say that the nudgings come from God. Others will prefer to speak of a healing and whole making spirit at work in the universe, and leave it at that. For them, it is enough to speak of Love's power in the universe, but not add to that a separate lover.

Both perspectives are available to open and relational theologians, although many who come from evangelical and biblical backgrounds will prefer the first. They are comfortable with the subject-predicate form of expression, as if God is the "subject" of a sentence and "nudging" is the predicate. But I hear something just a little different in Beth Hayward's language: "we are embraced by Love" and "we are lured by Love" and we can be "centred in Love." I don't think of Love as a person but rather as a force, a power, a healing Spirit. Let there be both perspectives.
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Pulled in Many Directions

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The language of lure comes from the philosophy of Whitehead, and it may help, just for a moment, to be clear about what they are in his philosophy. In the technical language of Whitehead's philosophy, the soft whispers are called "initial aims." They are fresh possibilities for responding to whatever situation a person faces in an appropriate (creative, healing, harmonious) way that is good for the recipient and good for the world. Initial aims are not clear and distinct ideas in the mind but rather "leadings," "callings," "beckonings," "promptings," or "nudgings." in the pre-reflective dimensions of experience. They are 
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As already noted, they are not all that exists in the mind. They coexist with other possibilities that, in Beth Hayward's words, may well "pull us in all directions." We can be lured in different directions, some quite unhealthy for us, and, indeed, we may choose these other possibilities, again and again, and miss the soft whispers for days, for weeks, for months, for years. Our functioning "subjective aims," to use Whitehead's language, may diverge from the "initial aims" we receive from God.

A dramatic but not uncommon instance of this would be addiction. We can be addicted to a substance, or to a given emotional response to the world such as anger, to a career, or to a psychological need that is become a compulsion, such as need to be flattered. In the house of addiction there are many rooms.

Even as we are addicted, even as we cling to goals that are destructive, we are not abandoned by Love. We carry within us the soft whisper of God's love, and yet it may be covered by other aims, other desires, which are much louder in our consciousness. These other aims do not come from Love. They come from the enemies of our better selves: from past traumas, from social conditioning, from body chemistry, or from legitimate psychological needs that have become compulsions. We are pulled in many directions.

Initial Aims and Other Lures
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Initial Aims

The language of lure comes from the philosophy of Whitehead, and it may help, just for a moment, to be clear about what they are in his philosophy. In the technical language of Whitehead's philosophy, the soft whispers are called "initial aims." They are fresh possibilities for responding to whatever situation a person faces in an appropriate (creative, healing, harmonious) way that is good for the recipient and good for the world. Initial aims are not clear and distinct ideas in the mind but rather "leadings," "callings," "beckonings," "promptings," or "nudgings." in the pre-reflective dimensions of experience.

As already noted, they are not all that exists in the mind. They coexist with other possibilities that, in Beth Hayward's words, may well "pull us in all directions." We can be lured in different directions, some quite unhealthy for us, and, indeed, we may choose these other possibilities, again and again, and miss the soft whispers for days, for weeks, for months, for years. Our functioning "subjective aims," to use Whitehead's language, may diverge from the "initial aims" we receive from God.

Addictions

A dramatic but not uncommon instance of this would be addiction. We can be addicted to a substance, or to a given emotional response to the world such as anger, to a career, or to a psychological need that is become a compulsion, such as need to be flattered. In the house of addiction there are many rooms.

Even as we are addicted, even as we cling to goals that are destructive, we are not abandoned by Love. We carry within us the soft whisper of God's love, and yet it may be covered by other aims, other desires, which are much louder in our consciousness. These other aims do not come from Love. They come from the enemies of our better selves: from past traumas, from social conditioning, from body chemistry, or from legitimate psychological needs that have become compulsions. We are pulled in all directions.

 

Lead us Not Into Temptation 

God does not lead us into temptations, so there's really no reason to ask God not to lead us into them. But there is reason to think, to hope, that Love's leading may help guide us away from temptations and empower us to resist them in willing ways. Islam offers the teaching that the whole of life involves the greater jihad: that is, a struggle against the self-centered and selfish ego. This is indeed a good struggle, if undertaken in a spirit of willingness not willfulness: that is, of cooperating with the healing spirit of God at work in our hearts. This struggle can take a more specific form: that of struggling against what Christians call the seven deadly sins:

1. Lust - An intense desire or need: Typically, this refers to sexual desire, but it can also extend to an uncontrolled or illicit desire for other forms of pleasure.
2. Gluttony - Excessive indulgence: It is not limited to food and drink but can refer to an excessive desire for consumption more than is needed.
3. Greed - Avarice or covetousness: A desire for wealth or possessions, or other forms of gain, which is so strong that it leads to unethical behavior to obtain them.
4. Sloth - Laziness or indifference: This refers to avoiding physical or spiritual work and can be seen as not utilizing one's talents or gifts.
5. Wrath - Intense anger: This sin involves feelings of hatred and anger which can become destructive, leading to violence, emotional harm, self-destructive behavior, or hatred.
6. Envy - Jealousy towards the success or possessions of others: This involves desiring others' traits, status, abilities, or situation.
7. Pride - Excessive view of one's self without regard for others: Often considered the original and most serious of the seven sins, it can also be referred to as hubris (arrogant pride) and leads to the undermining of virtues.
   
   

Cultural Temptations

1. Digital Narcissism - Seeking validation through curated online personas.
2. Consumerism - Compulsively acquiring more possessions than needed.
3. Instant Gratification - Expecting immediate results in various aspects of life.
4. Environmental Neglect - Overlooking sustainable practices for personal convenience.
5. Technological Dependency - Relying excessively on digital tools for basic tasks.
6. Work-life Imbalance - Allowing work demands to overshadow personal life.
7. Acquisitive Consumption - Obsessive purchasing of the latest trends and gadgets.
8. Resource Hoarding - Stockpiling essentials, especially during crises.
9. Career Advancement at Any Cost - Pursuing success through unethical means.
10. Online Echo Chambers - Isolating oneself in communities that reinforce biased views.
11. Political Polarization - Harboring intense animosity towards differing political views.
12. Hatred of Others - Intense dislike or hostility towards different groups or individuals.
13. Social Media Envy - Feeling inadequate due to comparisons with others online.
14. Personal Grudges - Nursing long-term resentments leading to harmful behaviors.
15. Xenophobia - Exhibiting fear and hatred towards foreigners or strangers.
16. Intolerance - Rejecting or discriminating against people with different lifestyles or beliefs.
17. Political Hatred - Intense aversion and animosity towards particular political parties or ideologies.
18. Excessive Nationalism - Exhibiting extreme loyalty and devotion to one's country, often at the expense of other nations or peoples.
19. Local Neglect - Ignoring or undermining the needs and issues of one's local community.
20. Local Parochialism - Maintaining a narrow, localized outlook that disregards broader perspectives.
21. Excessive Individualism - Prioritizing personal goals and desires over the well-being of the community or collective, often leading to a lack of empathy and cooperation in society.

Advise to a Seeker

The tendency is for us to think of something we "do" or an action we "undertake" in a willful way, to clear our minds and hearts of the various aims that prevail in our lives so that we can hear the whispers with, as it were, the ears of the heart. But this can be deceptive. Willful approaches to discernment are often based in the ego, not in Love. It is better to approach discernment in a willing way than a willful way. As Beth Hayward puts it: "there's an open hand waiting to be clasped." 

1. Be Open to Unexpected Sources of Guidance: Pay attention to the diverse situations where insights might arise—during a walk in nature, spending time with pets, learning from elders, or while listening to music. Be open to the idea that divine whispers can appear in any aspect of your life, not just during formal times of reflection. Know that they can occur in dreams, too, and while you sleep.

2. Trust Your Intuition: Allow yourself to listen to your gut feelings rather than overanalyzing every thought. Spiritual nudges often come as feelings or sensations rather than clear, thought-out ideas. Trust these intuitive insights as valid sources of guidance.

3. Accept Uncertainty: Recognize that true discernment involves navigating uncertainty. Avoid the trap of needing to be absolutely sure before you act on perceived guidance. Flexibility and openness to change are more valuable than certainty in the spiritual journey.

4. Be Flexible: Understand that what felt right yesterday might not be right for today. Divine guidance is dynamic and tailored to the specific circumstances of the moment. Regularly reevaluate your feelings and thoughts to stay aligned with this ever-changing guidance.

5. Be Kind and Forgiving: When you or others fail to follow through on these subtle guidances, be forgiving. Acknowledge that everyone makes mistakes and misses the mark sometimes. Allow yourself and others the grace to try again, recognizing that every moment offers a new opportunity for growth and understanding.

6. Be Honest: One thing that can get in the way of discernment is self-deception, pretending that you have your act together when, in fact, you don't. Be honest about your sins as well as your gifts. This honesty clears the way for Love's guidance.

7. Accept Your Limitations: Humility is essential in the process of discernment. Recognize that you don’t have all the answers and that others can offer valuable insights. This openness allows you to be teachable and receptive to the wisdom that life and the experiences of others can impart.

8. Be Open to Mystery: Embrace the mysterious aspects of life and spirituality. Acknowledge that not everything can be understood or explained. This openness to mystery can enhance your sense of wonder and deepen your spiritual journey.

9. Listen Deeply: Cultivate the practice of deep listening, which involves more than just hearing words or observing situations. It’s about being fully present and attentive to the underlying messages and emotions in any interaction or experience. This kind of listening can reveal the deeper truths and guidance hidden in everyday moments, allowing you to connect more authentically with yourself, others, and the divine whispers that guide you.

10. Don't Worry: Know that you don't have to think of yourself as "discerning" to be discerning. Just be yourself. This natural authenticity is a powerful form of discernment in itself. Know that you are embraced by Love even when you aren’t discerning.

Traditions of Discernment
in Historical Christianity
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​The word "discernment" comes from historical Christianity. In Christianity there are many different traditions of discernment. Some traditional forms include:

1. Biblical Discernment: This involves seeking guidance through the scriptures. Christians believe that the Bible contains the inspired word of God and can provide direction and answers to their questions. Reading, meditating on, and interpreting scripture is a fundamental practice in this tradition.
2. Prayerful Discernment: Prayer is central to Christian life and is a primary means of seeking divine guidance. This can involve asking for direct guidance, seeking peace about a decision, or asking for the wisdom to understand God's plan. Contemplative prayer practices, such as those taught in Ignatian spirituality, emphasize listening to God in silence.
3. Community Discernment: Many Christian communities practice discernment together, particularly in matters affecting the whole community or when making significant decisions. This can involve communal prayer, discussion, and seeking consensus or a sense of peace among the group that a certain decision is in line with God's will.
4. Spiritual Direction: This is a more formal method of discernment involving guidance from a spiritual director. A spiritual director is typically a more experienced person in matters of faith who helps guide others through their spiritual journey and decision-making processes.
5. Ignatian Discernment: Developed by St. Ignatius of Loyola, this method involves seeking to detect the presence of "consolations" (feelings of peace and closeness to God) and "desolations" (feelings of disturbance and separation from God) as signs indicating the direction God might want a person to take.
6. Charismatic Discernment: In charismatic and Pentecostal traditions, discernment often involves direct spiritual experiences such as prophecies, speaking in tongues, and other gifts of the Holy Spirit. These are considered as possible direct communications from God, but they are also tested and discerned within the community.
7. Wesleyan Quadrilateral: In Methodist tradition, discernment often involves the Wesleyan Quadrilateral, which uses four sources as a basis for theological and ethical decisions: Scripture, tradition, reason, and experience.​

These discernment practices can be combined, and all can be context in which the "soft whispers" become more available that otherwise. Many of these paths to discernment are found in other wisdom traditions. Indigenous traditions, for example, often find guidance from the natural world and rituals as key to the discerning life. And in Zen Buddhism, the tradition of having an encounter with a teacher in "dokusan," amid which a person might receive and respond to a koan, is an instance of spiritual discernment.

Preaching the Uncontrolling Love of God

For decades, millions of Christians have been leaving church behind. Among those who have stayed, not only individuals, but entire congregations are rejecting traditions that fail to address the challenges of our contemporary world. They yearn, instead, for a profound relationship with the ever-present God who is loving, inclusive, persuasive, and uncontrolling.

This rich and diverse collection of sermons, essays, and worship elements explores how to preach, teach, and practice Open, Relational, and Process theological perspectives in local faith communities. It is a powerful resource for pastors, ministers of worship arts, lay church leaders, professors of preaching, worship, and practical theology, and anyone seeking a deep understanding of God that aligns with the Bible, science, and inclusive love and justice for all life on Earth.

More Commentary on Essays and Sermons
in Preaching the Uncontrolling Love of God

1. The Rapture of Being Alive: Two Hymns by Sheri Kling
2. The Grace of the Empty Tomb: Notes on a sermon by Nichole Torbitzsky
3. ​The Craziness of Christian Love: Notes on a Prayer by Vikki Randall
4. Embracing the Moment: A Buddhist Perspective on Open and Relational Theology ​
5. Leaning into Withness: A Whiteheadian Reflection on a Sermon by Jonathan Foster​
6. ​A Sermon is Co-Created: Listening to a Sermon with an Open and Relational Heart​