There Can Be Sadness in Holding On
By Nita Gilger
It was a beautiful, peaceful day as I sat in a blind overlooking a small lake at the Hluhluwe-Imfolozi Park in KwaZulu Natal, South Africa. Since this reserve is home to the Big 5, I was on high alert to see as many beautiful animals as possible. Nature did not disappoint, at least not at first. I had seen and shared space with a huge number of beautiful creatures as I sat munching on a sandwich and marveling at what I was experiencing. Soon, a gorgeous giraffe came up to quench its thirst. Since giraffes are so tall, they have to splay their front legs out quite far to lower their heads for a drink which makes them vulnerable. The spreading of their legs is a very gradual, slow, and deliberate process. And, once they are down, they cannot move quickly back to a standing and running position. As this graceful giraffe began its drinking vigil, it became a victim of crocodiles. They were in hiding and surged up from the water bringing down this innocent animal who was simply trying to get a drink.
Needless to say, I was not only startled but bereft. The giraffe struggled and cried out. I wanted to help it but, of course, I could not. Nature was in process and I was only a witness. I had seen other kills like lions taking down a springbok or zebra, but there was something about this kill that overwhelmed me. The giraffe was so very vulnerable. It was not a fair fight or in any way merciful. It almost seemed like the crocodiles were taking delight in the suffering of their prey as it struggled to free itself from their grasp. Instead of just chomping the juggler, the crocs took turns maiming and drowning the giraffe as it cried out. I wanted to shout out to the mean crocs to let go!!!! My empathy for the giraffe and my dismay at the crocs' seeming cruelty did not save the giraffe. I felt as helpless as the dying giraffe.
This is the scene I thought of as I read from Matthew 5:23-24. This New Testament story is an admonition to get our hearts "right" with others if we hold resentment before we stand in the temple to give offerings. In fact, it goes so far as to say one should leave their offering at the side of the altar in the temple and go repair things with others before coming back to give to God. It asks us to look at the condition and intentions of our hearts.
We cannot escape suffering in this imperfect world with our imperfect lives. Evil exists. People disappoint us and we can disappoint others. Life and death happen. Nature takes its course. However, we can take a good, hard look at our own hearts to see if we are truly living in a way that cares for all. Do we live with a desire to create actions for understanding and the greater good even when it seems an uphill battle? We can choose our response and deal with our anger and upset in healing ways. Anger, properly expressed, can be useful when it propels us toward action to change things for better. But anger tilted into bitterness and resentment and shown in harmful ways is poison.
Grief, and even anger, are natural biproducts of being a person of empathy witnessing the cruelty of the world, but they can become a toxic cocktail and lead to something really unhealthy and unhelpful: resentment. This is that step beyond the natural mourning or reasonable outrage which moves into something worrisome, something punitive. Our resentment often comes from a desire to make someone "pay" for their actions. --- John Pavlovitz
The issue with resentment for people of faith and conscience is the need to question how we experience disagreement and heartache with others and what our response will be. Perhaps in such moments, it is healing to consider the things we might be holding against someone and how our own resentments might be keeping us from experiencing the fullness of life in the present moment. Often, the only person we hurt with resentment and not letting go is ourselves. That does not mean we have to approve of others' behavior, opinions, and actions. Boundaries sometimes must be set. There are times that we need courage and wisdom to stand up to injustice and wrong. We are in charge of our own response and voice. But decisions can be very challenging and hard. There are not always easy answers. Life can be messy. Will we allow resentment to damage our hearts and psyche or will we choose grace, forgiveness, and reconciliation? There can be sadness in holding on too long. It never seems to heal much of anything.
I know. I sound so magnanimous but let me tell you......I have not truly forgiven those crocodiles. That horrific image is seared into my mind. Even though I know they were simply doing what they were created to do, I still find some lingering resentment that they killed my beautiful friend with what seemed like unspeakable cruelty to me. There is a part of me that wanted those crocodiles to be turned into crocodile boots that I would proudly wear. But what good would that be? More violence? More cruelty? And, if I am entirely honest, I know I have work to do to let go of people feelings too. Maybe the best I can do on a day with all sorts of images of violence and heartache in the world and challenging emotions in my heart is claim Micah 6:8
He has showed you, O man, what is good; and what does the Lord require of you but to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God?
Prayer: Gracious God. Help me do a heart check-up. Have mercy on me and have mercy on the world. And....I guess maybe I need to ask you to have mercy on those crocodiles. They are probably still going strong after all these years. They didn't even know they upset me. Sigh! Amen.
Needless to say, I was not only startled but bereft. The giraffe struggled and cried out. I wanted to help it but, of course, I could not. Nature was in process and I was only a witness. I had seen other kills like lions taking down a springbok or zebra, but there was something about this kill that overwhelmed me. The giraffe was so very vulnerable. It was not a fair fight or in any way merciful. It almost seemed like the crocodiles were taking delight in the suffering of their prey as it struggled to free itself from their grasp. Instead of just chomping the juggler, the crocs took turns maiming and drowning the giraffe as it cried out. I wanted to shout out to the mean crocs to let go!!!! My empathy for the giraffe and my dismay at the crocs' seeming cruelty did not save the giraffe. I felt as helpless as the dying giraffe.
This is the scene I thought of as I read from Matthew 5:23-24. This New Testament story is an admonition to get our hearts "right" with others if we hold resentment before we stand in the temple to give offerings. In fact, it goes so far as to say one should leave their offering at the side of the altar in the temple and go repair things with others before coming back to give to God. It asks us to look at the condition and intentions of our hearts.
We cannot escape suffering in this imperfect world with our imperfect lives. Evil exists. People disappoint us and we can disappoint others. Life and death happen. Nature takes its course. However, we can take a good, hard look at our own hearts to see if we are truly living in a way that cares for all. Do we live with a desire to create actions for understanding and the greater good even when it seems an uphill battle? We can choose our response and deal with our anger and upset in healing ways. Anger, properly expressed, can be useful when it propels us toward action to change things for better. But anger tilted into bitterness and resentment and shown in harmful ways is poison.
Grief, and even anger, are natural biproducts of being a person of empathy witnessing the cruelty of the world, but they can become a toxic cocktail and lead to something really unhealthy and unhelpful: resentment. This is that step beyond the natural mourning or reasonable outrage which moves into something worrisome, something punitive. Our resentment often comes from a desire to make someone "pay" for their actions. --- John Pavlovitz
The issue with resentment for people of faith and conscience is the need to question how we experience disagreement and heartache with others and what our response will be. Perhaps in such moments, it is healing to consider the things we might be holding against someone and how our own resentments might be keeping us from experiencing the fullness of life in the present moment. Often, the only person we hurt with resentment and not letting go is ourselves. That does not mean we have to approve of others' behavior, opinions, and actions. Boundaries sometimes must be set. There are times that we need courage and wisdom to stand up to injustice and wrong. We are in charge of our own response and voice. But decisions can be very challenging and hard. There are not always easy answers. Life can be messy. Will we allow resentment to damage our hearts and psyche or will we choose grace, forgiveness, and reconciliation? There can be sadness in holding on too long. It never seems to heal much of anything.
I know. I sound so magnanimous but let me tell you......I have not truly forgiven those crocodiles. That horrific image is seared into my mind. Even though I know they were simply doing what they were created to do, I still find some lingering resentment that they killed my beautiful friend with what seemed like unspeakable cruelty to me. There is a part of me that wanted those crocodiles to be turned into crocodile boots that I would proudly wear. But what good would that be? More violence? More cruelty? And, if I am entirely honest, I know I have work to do to let go of people feelings too. Maybe the best I can do on a day with all sorts of images of violence and heartache in the world and challenging emotions in my heart is claim Micah 6:8
He has showed you, O man, what is good; and what does the Lord require of you but to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God?
Prayer: Gracious God. Help me do a heart check-up. Have mercy on me and have mercy on the world. And....I guess maybe I need to ask you to have mercy on those crocodiles. They are probably still going strong after all these years. They didn't even know they upset me. Sigh! Amen.