A third space is a space that unfolds when people of different cultures, ethnicities, philosophies, and religions get together; sharing food, music, and stories; becoming friends, at least in that moment; and carrying that memory in their imaginations, such that it becomes a lure for further feeling.   The moments themselves reveal a possibility for zest and harmony that might otherwise be dormant.  The possibility is embodied in the moment but is also more than the moment.  It is one way that God is present in human life.

Below I tell the story of a third space that unfolded for me ten years ago on a summer’s night in China.  As I look back on it, I think that the enjoyment of this third space was much easier than is the enjoyment of third spaces in America today, where people are so divided politically,  Nevertheless, I have experienced many third spaces in America, not least at one of my favorite restaurant’s: Toad Suck Buck’s restaurant in Toad Suck, Arkansas.  I have also experienced them in public libraries, coffee shops, and a mosque in Little Rock (al-Madina).  One of my colleagues, Sophia Said, is an expert in creating Third Spaces.  One of the purposes of this website is to offer invitations for third space thinking.  It is one of the primary practices of a process -relational worldview.

- Jay McDaniel, January 24, 2021

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Third Spaces

Developing Cross-Cultural Communities
Through Food, Music, and Stories

Jay McDaniel
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A third space is a space that unfolds when people of different cultures, ethnicities, philosophies, and religions get together; sharing food, music, and stories; becoming friends, at least in that moment; and carrying that memory in their imaginations, such that it becomes a lure for further feeling.   In the moment at hand, they enjoy what one of our Open Horizon columnists -- Songhe Wang -- calls green friendships.  A green friendship is one in which you learn from the wisdom and beauty of another person's way and that wisdom and beauty become part of your own life.  Something is added to your life that was not there before.  In Whitehead's language, the many become one and are increased by one. 

In July of 2011 some members of the American side of the Open Horizons Community -- Jay McDaniel, Sara Yingling, and Bucky Brooks -- had a delightful dinner at the home of another member of the Open Horizons community, Bangxiu Xie.  We were in Harbin, China. ​

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Our host for the evening was Du  Zhaogui.  He is on the back row, second from the right.  He is Bangxiu's father-in-law; she calls him "Dad."  You will see him again below, making sure that all of us were comfortable and eating well.  (We did.) 

Zhang Ruixia, Du Zhaogui's wife, is sitting on the top row, far left.  She is Bangxiu Xie's mother-in-law, and Bangxiu calls her "Mom."  

It is customary in China to call your mother and father in law Mom and Dad, but this does not necessarily mean the relationship is intimate.  But in this case we sensed a real affection and intimacy between Bangxiu and her parents-in-law.  Mom and Dad seemed just right.

Next to Zhang Ruixia (Mom) on the top row is Jiajia, her grand-daughter. She is the one dancing in the video above.  Next to Jiajia is Jay McDaniel, to whom the family referred as meiguo laoshi (the American professor).  Next to Jay is Bangxiu's father-in-law, Jiajia's grandfather or Dad.  And next to him is his son-in-law.  On the bottom, from left to right, you will see Bucky and Sarah.  And next to Sara is Du Wei, Bangxiu's sister-in-law.  Only Bangxiu spoke fluent English.

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Mom and Dad are among
the Many who become One
In the Americans' lives ​

​Third spaces are never created in a vacuum.  We always bring our biographies with us.   The third space adds to our lives in different ways, relative to who we are and where we've been in our lives.  

Equally important, the stories of other people become part of our own stories.  Consider the stories that became a small part of Bucky and Sara and Jay's life.  Nothing need be said for stories to intersect.  Their stories are built into the many who become one in each person's life.   Often these stories come from very different generations.  Old into Young and Young into Old.  We can call it multi-generational third spaces. 

Du  Zhaogui was born in 1937 in a small village near Harbin, he has two younger brothers, but unfortunately they lost their parents when he was only about fifteen years old.  He had to take on the task of taking care of his two brothers, so that he didn't get any opportunity to receive any formal schooling.  He received a little sishu education: private tutoring where he would go to someone's home and learn reading and writing, as in the ancient Confucian tradition.  He took his brothers to Harbin when he was sixteen and got a job in a factory to support the family.  He brought them up and helped them get married, like a father.  Zhang Ruixia was born in 1935 in another small village near Harbin.  She had four brothers and one sister; she was lucky enough to have been able to go to primary school.  When she married Du Zhaogui, she became the "mother" to his two brothers, helping to bring them up, send them to school, and get married.  She then helped take care of their five children, all the while working, along with Du Zhaogui, in the HEC electric-generator factory in Harbin.   Their jobs, for most of their lives, were to work in this factory, which took care of them by providing health care, wages, and various kinds of support, all of their lives.  The factory was their "home" too.  Their lives are very different from Bucky's life and Sara's life.  And yet their stories become part of who they are.  The many became one.

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Third spaces are never created in a vacuum.  We always bring our biographies with us.   The third space adds to our lives in different ways, relative to who we are and where we've been in our lives.  

Equally important, the stories of other people become part of our own stories.  Consider the stories that became a small part of Bucky and Sara and Jay's life.  Nothing need be said for stories to intersect.  Their stories are built into the many who become one in each person's life.   Often these stories come from very different generations.  

​Old into Young and Young into Old.  We can call it multi-generational third spaces. 

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Third Space Jazz

It is also possible to develop a third space musically, by playing instruments and having a musical conversation.  Jay McDaniel and Jiajia did a little of this below.   It is important to recognize the value of music in third space creation, because music helps bypass some of the difficulties that arise in merely verbal communication.  The two participants could not converse with each other in English or Mandarin, but they both understood the meaning of B-flat and C-minor.

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Five New People

​In their subjective immediacy, third spaces can last but a short period: two or three hours.  But as "objectively immortal" in the memories of those who have enjoyed them, they last much longer.  They become one of the many strands of influence, inherited from the past, which shape and nourish the future.  Each person in this photograph carries with him or her just such a memory.  On the left you see Bangxiu, carrying with her a memory of the evening's events.  And next to her, of course, is Jiajia.  And then Sara.  And then Du Wei, Bangxiu's sister in law.  And then Bucky.  Each is part of the many who are becoming one in one another.  Each is a slightly new person from the evening's gathering.

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Still Eating

American visitors to China often hear the word "harmony."  We know that this word names a quality of life -- a way of being together -- which is prized throughout China.  This quality functions as an ideal, a hope, which many Chinese would like to experience, among other places, in the immediacy of family life.  In China a "family" is not simply a nuclear family; it is an extended family.  It includes grandparents and parents, uncles and aunts, sisters in law and brothers in law, and more.  If harmony is to be approximated, it must be between all of them to one degree or another.  They must, as the very least, "get along."  And at best, they must like each other: accepting one another in their differences, feeling that each makes the whole richer.  This is the Whiteheadian idea of harmony. Harmony is not sameness, and harmony is not static. But it is something that can be felt and enjoyed between people.  We Americans sensed a strong taste of this harmony in the family we visited.  It was as delicious as the food, except in a different way.  It had to do with mutual respect, with laughter, with affection, with trust, with mutual support, with a naturalness of being together.  The third culture that we briefly experienced had some of this, too.  For the moment, the Du family was extended to include us.  And we brought our families with us, too.  Through us, our families were widened to include the Du family.  In these moments of extended family, we all sense a kind of hope: a trust in....goodness.

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​第三空间
通过饮食、音乐和故事构建的跨文化共同体

杰伊·麦克丹尼尔
（谢邦秀译）
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第三空间是当拥有不同文化的人们聚在一起并建立起某种关系时创造的一种文化氛围。他们在那种关系中享受我们的一位专栏作家王松鹤所称的“绿色友谊”。

绿色友谊指的是这样一种友好关系，在其中，你能从另一个人的文化中学到智慧、欣赏到美，而那种智慧和美会转化成你自己的生活的一部分。你的生活中会添加进一些原先没有的东西。用怀特海的话说，多变成一并被一增多。

2011年7月的一天晚间，JJB共同体中的几位美国成员——杰伊·麦克丹尼尔、莎拉·罗宾斯和布吉·布鲁克斯——在JJB共同体中的另一位成员谢邦秀的家里与她的家人一起共享了一顿愉快的晚宴。故事发生在中国哈尔滨。邦秀是我们JJB网站的翻译和专栏作家。我们先来看看这场愉快的晚宴是如何开始的。一种第三空间首先在舞蹈中被创造出来。

款待我们晚宴的东道主是杜兆贵老先生。照片中后排右数第二位就是他。他是邦秀的公公，她称他为“爸”。您在下面还会见到他，他很殷勤，总是招呼我们像在自己家里一样“吃好”、“喝好”。（我们的确吃、喝得很好，感到惬意如在自己家中！）杜兆贵的妻子张瑞霞坐在上排的最左边。她是邦秀的婆婆，邦秀称她为“妈”。

按照中国的习俗，儿媳妇要将“公公”、“婆婆”称为“爸”、“妈”，但这并不一定就是说他们之间的关系很亲密。而在杜家，我们感受到的却的的确确是邦秀与公婆之间的互敬互爱、亲密无间。“爸”、“妈”的称谓显得恰如其分。

上排中坐在张瑞霞（“妈”）旁边的是佳佳，她的孙女。佳佳就是上面视频中跳舞的那个女孩。坐在佳佳左手边的是杰伊·麦克丹尼尔，杜家人称他为“美国老师”。 坐在杰伊左手边的是邦秀的公公或“爸”、佳佳的爷爷。他左手边坐着的是他的女婿。下派从左到右，您看到的是布吉和莎拉，莎拉旁边是杜伟，邦秀的姑妹。一家人中只有邦秀能说流利的英语。

第三空间绝不可能生自真空。我们总是随身携带着我们的传记故事。第三空间以不同的方式添加进我们的生活，与我们是谁、我们处于生活中的何处相关联。

同样重要的是，其他人的故事变成我们自己的故事的一部分。想一想那天晚上发生的那些故事，它们成为了布吉、莎拉和杰伊生活中的一小部分。不用说，所有的故事交织在了一起。这些故事在每一个人的生活中都构成了多中之一、一中之多。这样的故事往往产生自不同年代的人中。老一代人的故事进入年青一代人的生活中，年青一代人的生活亦进入老一代人的故事中。我们将这称为多代间的第三空间。

杜兆贵1937年出生于哈尔滨附近的一个小村子，他有两个弟弟。不幸的是，在他只有大约十五岁时就父母双亡。他不得不担负起照顾和抚养两个弟弟的责任，因此他没有机会上学接受正规的学校教育，只在小的时候上过几天私塾，仅具备基本的识字能力。私塾是中国传统社会中的一种私人办的教育机构，由教书的人在自家设立，学生缴交束脩（学费）上门到先生（老师）私人家里去学习读书、写字，如中国古代的孔子所为。十六岁时，杜兆贵带着他的两个弟弟闯到哈尔滨，在一家工厂里找到工作，养家糊口。他像父亲一样把两个弟弟抚养成人，供他们上学读书，助他们工作立业，帮他们娶妻成家。张瑞霞1935年出生于哈尔滨附近的另一个小村。她有四个兄弟、一个姐姐；她有幸上过小学。与杜兆贵结婚后，她就成为了他两个弟弟的“母亲”（长嫂如母），帮着他把他们抚养成人，为他们缝补浆洗，供他们上学读书，助他们工作立业，帮他们娶妻成家。然后她和她丈夫杜兆贵一起，一边在哈尔滨电机厂上班，一边养育了他们自己的四儿一女。他们一生中的大多数时候都在这家工厂工作，工厂给他们的生活提供各种支持：给他们发工资、发退休金、提供各种福利待遇和医疗保险。工厂也是他们的“家”。他们的生活与布吉和莎拉的生活大不相同。而他们的生活成为他们是其所是的一部分。多变成了一。

当然，只有当你愿意倾听时，多才会在你的生活中变成一。的确，在JJB共同体中我们鼓励人们成为建设性的后现代倾听者。一个倾听者指一个这样的人，他/她用括号把自己的观念括起来，努力地站在其他人的立场去倾听他们的观点、价值和感受。一个后现代的倾听者是一个这样的人，他/她能特别熟练地认识到各种文化传统均有其自身的价值和智慧，它们不必被瓦解为基本的、单一的、普遍的、理想的存在方式。一个建设性的后现代倾听者则是一个这样的人，他/她会在倾听之后探寻并创造一种他/她自己的新视角。他/她倾听、建构，一次又一次，不期望终结。莎拉和布吉此刻就是在这样做。他们在从一种第三空间的角度思考，在思考着进入一种第三空间。

也可能在音乐中开发出一种第三空间，通过演奏乐器、进行音乐对话。下面的视频中杰伊·麦克丹尼尔和佳佳就在进行这样的对话和创造。认识到音乐在创造第三空间的过程中的价值十分重要，因为音乐有助于跨越仅靠言语交流时产生的障碍。（视频中进行音乐对话的）两位参与者不能通过英语或（汉语）普通话进行交谈，但他们都懂降B大调和C小调是什么意思。

（The Video of the Musical Conversation between Jay and Jiajia）

在他们的主观直接性中，第三空间可能只能持续一小会儿：两、三个小时。但是作为其享受者记忆中的“客观不朽”，它们保持的时间要长久得多。它们变成许多源自过去的影响因素之一，塑造并滋养未来。这张照片中的每一个人都携带着这种记忆。你看到的最左边的是邦秀，她将当晚的事件添加进了她的记忆。她的旁边是佳佳。然后是莎拉。然后是杜伟，邦秀的姑妹。然后是布吉。每一个人都是多中的一部分，都在相互的生活中变成了一。每一个人都因为当晚的相聚而变成一个稍有不同的新人。

到中国来观光、交流的美国人常听到“和谐”一词。我们知道这个词指的是一种在中国广受推崇的生活品质——一种共处的方式。这种品质是一种理想，一种希望，许多中国人都愿意体验它，在其家庭生活的直接性中，以及在其他的地方或场合。在中国，“家”不仅仅指一个核心家庭，也指其扩展的大家庭。扩展的大家庭中包括（外）祖父母、父母、子女、叔伯、姑婶、姨舅、姑嫂、妯娌、连襟、甥侄，等等。在某种程度上，和谐就接近于所有这些人之间的某处。他们至少必须“融洽相处”。在最好的情况下，他们必须相互喜爱：接受相互的差异，感觉到每一个人都使整体更丰富。这是怀特海关于和谐的理念。和谐不是雷同，亦非静态，而是某种能在人与人之间感受到并享受到的东西。我们几个美国人在我们所拜访的这家人中感受到了浓厚的和谐的味道。它像美味的食物一样纯美，只是其甘醇的方式不同。它涉及相互尊重、相互支持、自然共处、感情、欢笑、信任等等。我们在杜家体验到的短暂的第三空间也含有这种和谐的味道。在那一刻，杜家得到了扩展，我们被纳入其中。我们还把我们的家庭也带了进去。通过我们，我们的家庭也被拓宽了，包含了杜氏一家。在共处于扩展的家庭中的时时刻刻，我们都感受到了一种希望：相信……“善”。

这一简短的反思意在说明第三空间的实在性。我们提到舞蹈和音乐成为了帮助创造第三空间的语言的一部分。当然还有许多其他的语言也起到了同样的作用。饮食和饮食传统是其中之一。我们享用的晚餐鲜美可口。我们现在仍能以某种方式品味到它，连同我们受到的殷情款待。不，不是饮食在触动我们的味蕾。而是杜氏一家人的慷慨豁达在触及我们的记忆，通过这种触及这顿饭还在持续。客人们还在享用。请你把手伸进照片里，取一些食物与我们一起共享这桌美味。或最好到一位拥有不同文化的朋友家里去与他们共餐。然后唱唱歌。如果你能碰到佳佳，请她教你跳一段拉丁舞。