Virginia McDaniel at 91st Birthday
Virginia McDaniel
August 26, 1917 - December 15, 2018
"People do not pass away. They die and then they stay."
-- Naomi Shihab Nye
-- Naomi Shihab Nye
On my 100th Birthday
Johnny and Me
My Husband Johnny
Beginning to lose my vision
The State of Arkansas
Camden on the Ouachita River
With my son on my 99th Birthday
Learning to "Pump" as a Key to Life
San Antonio Spurs: My Favorite Team
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Reflections on a Long Life
and the Encircling Spirit by Virginia McDaniel at age ninety-five Being old is not all bad. At ninety-five years old I have time, whatever time is left, to reflect and enjoy reflecting. I am still learning as time goes on. I am learning to discover true values, or so they seem, in mundane, daily experiences. In exchanges with persons who live on my "street," here in this nice retirement complex where I live, I am learning to be open to possibilities: more open than I was earlier in my life. Lessons from a Swingset: There's a Goodness In Life I remember when I was a little girl, I loved to swing on a swingset in the schoolgrounds. I think I was about six years old. You know what it feels like to swing? It's a feeling of independence and being in airy space. Sometimes your best friend is swinging right next to you. This is what I experienced. These moments were among the many times in life I have felt pure delight. I also felt this delight when I played hopscotch. I would do all of this at recess. It was moment in time when I felt like I lived in a perfect world. I know now that the world is not perfect at all; it wasn't then either in my life or anyone's life. But somehow, for me, being in a small-town school, with teachers who made each young student feel important and secure and welcome, life had a kind of beauty. In my case, my parents were not in harmony. My home was not a perfect world. So going to school and being with those teachers, and being loved by them, and being able to swing on the swingset, taught me something about life. It taught me that there's a goodness in life that cannot be erased by any disharmony. Learning to Pump on the Swingset, Struggling to Pump When You Get Old When no one was around to push me on the swingset, I also knew how to pump. You know what I mean by pumping? You move your legs on your own to get momentum. I have been thinking about that these days, which may be because, these days, my legs don't work well. Still I sometimes need to pump, not only with my body but with my heart and my mind. For most of my life I've been pumping. Pumping at fifteen, at twenty five, at sixty five, at ninety five. In truth, sometimes it's very hard. I can't seem to get myself swinging. This is part of being old. But there are kinds of pumping that come to me these days, that I was not as good at earlier in my life. One of them is gratitude. I watched a video on my son's website -- the one I mentioned above -- that showed what it can be like to be grateful for each day, and it spoke to my own experience. I don't know whether it is simply that I've lived so long, or that I've learned over the years, but it is easier to be grateful now than it was. In part it is because I have more time to be thoughtful. Old people have time that younger people don't have, and with this time, deep realizations often come that are huge comforts. These realizations are a kind of pumping. Often the realizations come when I draw upon family and church and friends. They become energy for swinging. They help me get up in the morning and do simple things, carry on. Perhaps living gratefully, one day at a time, is the answer. At least it is for me now. I Feel Useful When I am Helping Others I think that, even at ninety-five, I can have a full life experience. It comes from being grateful, and also by trying to help others. My most full days are those when I feel useful, when I have helped somebody, to brighten my small corner of the world. I like to go to other people who live with me and visit with them, listen to them, help them know somebody cares about them. We understand each other. Visiting with them is a kind of pumping, too. Being with them is free and even airy in its own way. Swinging is not limited to swingsets. I Have a Kind of Familial Relationship with God Some people ask me if I am a religious person. I think I am. I think of myself as knowing God. I have a kind of familial relationship with God. I can say anything to him, and often I do. God is within me some way, right here and available. I also feel especially close to the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit and God are kind of all one inside of me. I think of the Holy Spirit as all-encompassing. I often pray for other people and say "encircle them." That's the way I think of God; that's the way of think of the Spirit: an encircling. When I pray that people are circled by the Spirit, that's enough. There's no more that's needed. I think this is one of the gifts of old age for me. I feel closer to the Lord. Patience and Perspective are Gifts of Old Age For me one of the gifts of old-age has also been patience and perspective. When you are ninety-five, you can really have perspective. You know some things that once seemed to matter a lot don't really matter that much: things like appearance and how people look. Also there can be things that have happened to you in the past, or happened to others, that have been painful, but in time you gain a little distance from them. They do not control you so much. You have space inside you. I think this is one of the gifts of old age for me, too. Being Curious Can be a Gift of Old Age There's another thing that's happened to me in old age. I am curious about the world, and I am easily entertained. Concerning curiosity, I watch the news all the time. It's because I have time; I didn't watch the news in the younger years. But now I do all the time, and I find myself interested in what is happening in my country and in the world. I now live in the age of television journalism, where at any given hour, you can turn on the television and find people arguing for their points of view, often political. I wish they were not so one-sided, but it entertains me, and I find myself persuaded by everybody I hear. This makes it a little hard to be opinionated in a consistent way, but it's good mental exercise. And regarding being entertained, I have to admit that I am a rather big fan of a professional basketball team in the United States, the San Antonio Spurs. I watch all their games on television, and I find that sometimes the mood of a given day, is exactly correlated with the success or failure of the Spurs the night before. I have a picture of myself and a former Spur, David Robinson, in my home. My Family and Upbringing I was very lucky to have grown up in a small town. It was Camden, Arkansas, from roughly 1920 to 1940. My father died when I was ten years old, and at that particular time, we were not in Camden, but in Louisville, Kentucky. A few years after my daddy died, my mother, as a single mom, decided she could better rear her three children (me and my two brothers) in the small town of Camden, where she and my father had first started their life together. I was about thirteen years old when we moved back. I didn't really know what I was going back to; I just knew my mother was taking me there, and that made it good. But what I now realize is lucky I was to have gone there. In its own way, it was an innocent place. Not overly sophisticated, although (I might add) I was able to study Latin in high school and the teachers were excellent. But it was not too crowded....not too crowded for people to love each other. And there were so many to love. One of them was my husband to be, John McDaniel, Jr., who for me was a miracle. I know that many people describe their spouses in glorious and sometimes overly romanticized terms. I know that all marriages are unique and none are without difficulties. I know marriage is a lifelong process that requires work, and a commitment to the relationship, from beginning to end. Having said that, I also want to say that I really loved my husband, whom I met in Camden, and who was -- and is -- the love of my life. He came from a family very different from mine. They were an established, stable family in the small town where I grew up; whereas my mother was a single mother, who struggled to make ends meet, every day of her life. "Johnny" was, for me, a kind of hero. He was a high school football player, an excellent student, and, I must admit, very, very handsome. It never dawned on me that I could marry him. But somehow, he was attracted to me, and when he went to college -- and I never went to college -- he found himself remembering a girl back home, namely me. He would see me when he came home from college for holidays, and we fell in love. We married after he graduated from college. We lived in Oklahoma for a time, and then in New Orleans, Louisiana, and then he went into the Navy. This was World War II, a defining time for so many in my generation. As he went into the Navy, being on an aircraft carrier in the Pacific Front, my first child -- Linda - was born. After she was born, we moved back to Camden and lived with my mother, until "Johnny" returned from the war. And then the three of us moved to San Antonio, Texas, where I live now. Johnny and I were married for fifty-nine years. Our son, Jay, was born in San Antonio. Linda and Jay grew up in San Antonio, a city we love. But they and my beloved nephew Johnny Wheeler carry warm memories of Camden, a city we also love. Johnny lives there now. Carrying On and Re-inventing Yourself When your spouse dies, you miss them. I miss Johnny every day of my life. You don't really plan after that; at least I didn't. You just go a day at a time coping with the absence, until a point comes in your life where it's not coping any more, but a kind of acceptance and re-invention of a lifestyle. You find yourself carrying on until it's comfortable, but still missing your spouse. At least that's the way it is for me. And even then, if you are really lucky, you have family, friends, and church as sacraments in your life, as sources of strength. You have memories, you have opportunities for helping others, you have perspective, you have faith. The Circling You sense a circling around you, around everything, even inside you. And that becomes enough. I have lived long enough to know that every age of life and every stage of life has its trials and opportunities. There is no perfect age but each age has its perfections, its gifts. We learn to let go of earlier stages and move into new stages, in a spirit of faith. That's the way it seems to me. I think there's a spirit at work in us and around us all the time, a Holy Spirit encircling all of us, everywhere. I don't think anyone is excluded. Often I pray for others and sometimes for myself. In my mind I say "Please encircle us. Please enfold us." But I think the encircling precedes my prayer and is there all the time. Yes, that's enough. |
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Above, Virginia at age 101 interviewed about a young friend,
and, to the right, Virginia with Johnny on vacation in Mexico. 
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Virginia in images and voice
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Four Years Later (at age 99)
What would you like to add, now that you’re ninety-nine?
Now that I’m ninety-nine, I have so many understandings of what life is all about that I didn't have as fully earlier. I wouldn’t take anything for getting to live this long, because the insights are so important. I feel God’s love, peace, and joy much more deeply now than I did earlier It’s very moving to have these strong emotions of love, peace and joy that I’ve never had before so intensely.
The Holy Spirit encircling us, which has always been my prayer, is ever-present these late days of my life. I hear a little voice inside me, really speaking to me now, affirming what I’m doing or reminding me to do differently in some cases. I just hear it so clearly. It doesn’t call me by name – it doesn’t say “Mano” or “Virginia” – but it’s clearly directed to me. Life is easy when you’re guided by the voice. I just want to know that on this day, with my son, I am summing it all up.
What are you going to do if you live a couple of more years?
Don’t threaten me that way (laughing.) Lawdy, lawdy, I’m over forty.
So you are ready to die?
Um…hmm. Absolutely. I literally pray to the Lord to let me ease out, as opposed to having a difficult time. But I’m only teasing the Lord. That’s our relationship.
What do you hope to do with your days until you die?
My constant prayer is to be blessed to be a blessing. I want to see places here, where I live, where I can be a blessing to others. I discover them easily now. It can be an expression on another person’s face, or how their hands feel cold or warm. We don’t know each other’s names. But when I see their face or hold their hands, I get close to their face and ask how they are. I see their face, and I see the expressions on their face because someone cares for them. I feel that to be nine-nine, and living in a nice room that contains all my material things, everything I have in clothing and furnishings in a single room, I am happy. I love this simplicity. I can take one day at a time of trying to be a blessing to others, and enjoying it thoroughly as I work on it. I constantly have the surprising pleasure of persons who come in my room, who have been in this retirement community for a long time, like me. People come in whom I’ve known in various context and over the years we’ve gotten to know each other. They show up, and we laugh about how it was and how it is. I feel so fulfilled in their friendships. So helping other and enjoying the friendships – that’s my life at ninety-nine.
Are you afraid of anything?
I’m not afraid. You don’t have to be afraid when you’re this age. It’s a due process that goes with life.
Now that I’m ninety-nine, I have so many understandings of what life is all about that I didn't have as fully earlier. I wouldn’t take anything for getting to live this long, because the insights are so important. I feel God’s love, peace, and joy much more deeply now than I did earlier It’s very moving to have these strong emotions of love, peace and joy that I’ve never had before so intensely.
The Holy Spirit encircling us, which has always been my prayer, is ever-present these late days of my life. I hear a little voice inside me, really speaking to me now, affirming what I’m doing or reminding me to do differently in some cases. I just hear it so clearly. It doesn’t call me by name – it doesn’t say “Mano” or “Virginia” – but it’s clearly directed to me. Life is easy when you’re guided by the voice. I just want to know that on this day, with my son, I am summing it all up.
What are you going to do if you live a couple of more years?
Don’t threaten me that way (laughing.) Lawdy, lawdy, I’m over forty.
So you are ready to die?
Um…hmm. Absolutely. I literally pray to the Lord to let me ease out, as opposed to having a difficult time. But I’m only teasing the Lord. That’s our relationship.
What do you hope to do with your days until you die?
My constant prayer is to be blessed to be a blessing. I want to see places here, where I live, where I can be a blessing to others. I discover them easily now. It can be an expression on another person’s face, or how their hands feel cold or warm. We don’t know each other’s names. But when I see their face or hold their hands, I get close to their face and ask how they are. I see their face, and I see the expressions on their face because someone cares for them. I feel that to be nine-nine, and living in a nice room that contains all my material things, everything I have in clothing and furnishings in a single room, I am happy. I love this simplicity. I can take one day at a time of trying to be a blessing to others, and enjoying it thoroughly as I work on it. I constantly have the surprising pleasure of persons who come in my room, who have been in this retirement community for a long time, like me. People come in whom I’ve known in various context and over the years we’ve gotten to know each other. They show up, and we laugh about how it was and how it is. I feel so fulfilled in their friendships. So helping other and enjoying the friendships – that’s my life at ninety-nine.
Are you afraid of anything?
I’m not afraid. You don’t have to be afraid when you’re this age. It’s a due process that goes with life.
Interview with Virginia McDaniel
Virginia with daughter, Linda
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Virginia McDaniel at 101
Virginia liked to Dance
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Virginia loved music and dancing. She liked hymns, country music love songs, the rhythms of early rock and roll, and the music of Perry Como. She especially liked Amy Grant's Deep as it is Wide, at the end of the playlist.
Virginia's Playlist |
Note from Jay McDaniel
When my mother was 95 I asked her to reflect on her life for me. You find it above. I asked her to do the same at 99. You find that above, too. I write this after she passed away on December 15, 2018, at age 101.
My mom knew, as do we all, that life is a journey and that every stage has its trials and opportunities. She knew that every life is unique and no two journeys are alike. And she knew that even as our journeys are private, no journey is completely solitary. Our lives and identities are formed in relationships with others. We are parts of one another's journeys.
Indeed, so I believe, the whole world is a vast network of inter-journeys. That's process theology in a nutshell. That's why we need to take care of each other. We are in it together.
Many readers of this website believe that there dwells within each person a holy spirit, a lure toward creative becoming, which is God's presence in our lives. This lure is a source for fresh possibilities, for creative transformation, relative to the situation at hand. We believe that this source is a loving presence who embraces us, and all people, with tender love, whatever stage of life we are in.
Always we are small but included in this larger love. Thus thought my mom, and I think the same. Always this presence is inviting us to remember the past, but not cling to it, when new situations call for new responses. The spirit calls us to remember and reflect, to relish the good memories and be honest about the bad, and also to re-invent ourselves in obedience to the call of the moment.
My mom believed this, too. She was not a process theologian. She never read a word of Whitehead to my knowledge; and that's fine by me. But I learned as much process theology from her as I have from anybody.
I am grateful to her for helping me realize how important it is to be flexible and creative amid life's changes, trusting in a creative Love wider than the sky, whose heart dwells within each heart as a lure to love.
-- Jay McDaniel
My mom knew, as do we all, that life is a journey and that every stage has its trials and opportunities. She knew that every life is unique and no two journeys are alike. And she knew that even as our journeys are private, no journey is completely solitary. Our lives and identities are formed in relationships with others. We are parts of one another's journeys.
Indeed, so I believe, the whole world is a vast network of inter-journeys. That's process theology in a nutshell. That's why we need to take care of each other. We are in it together.
Many readers of this website believe that there dwells within each person a holy spirit, a lure toward creative becoming, which is God's presence in our lives. This lure is a source for fresh possibilities, for creative transformation, relative to the situation at hand. We believe that this source is a loving presence who embraces us, and all people, with tender love, whatever stage of life we are in.
Always we are small but included in this larger love. Thus thought my mom, and I think the same. Always this presence is inviting us to remember the past, but not cling to it, when new situations call for new responses. The spirit calls us to remember and reflect, to relish the good memories and be honest about the bad, and also to re-invent ourselves in obedience to the call of the moment.
My mom believed this, too. She was not a process theologian. She never read a word of Whitehead to my knowledge; and that's fine by me. But I learned as much process theology from her as I have from anybody.
I am grateful to her for helping me realize how important it is to be flexible and creative amid life's changes, trusting in a creative Love wider than the sky, whose heart dwells within each heart as a lure to love.
-- Jay McDaniel
Chinese Translation of "Now that I'm Ninety-Five" by Bangxiu Xie
活到九十五
得闲思与悟
弗吉尼亚·麦克丹尼尔
（谢邦秀 译）
年老并非都是坏事。在我九十五岁之时，我有了闲暇反思并享受反思的过程，无论还有多少时间留给我。我仍在学习、体悟，与时偕进。
我在学习发现真正的价值，它们或如其看起来的那样存在于日常的、世俗的经验中，或存在于与人们的交流中，这些人和我住在同一个“街区”，就在我所居住的这个设施精良的退休人员综合社区。我在学习向可能性开放：比我人生中更早一些时期更开放。
我有一台“爱派”（苹果平板电脑），我有一个儿子，他开设了一个网站。今天，借助于我的“爱派”，我在他的网站上听了、看了一篇极棒的文章，它告诉我，每一天都可以找到可能性，我们如何能心怀感恩地生活。它题为“相信美”（Trust in Beauty ），附有一些能彰显其特点的照片，照片是由一个名叫路易斯·沙茨伯格（Louis Schartzberg）的人拍摄的。
秋千的启示：生活中有善
我记得，当我还是一个小女孩的时候，我爱在学校的操场上荡秋千。我想我当时大概六岁左右。你知道（在秋千上）荡起来是什么感觉吗？这是一种独立的、飞向空中的感觉。有时你最好的朋友就站在你身边把你悠起来。这就是我曾经经历的感觉。
我一生当中曾有多次感到心花怒放，这样的时刻在此之列。我在玩跳房子游戏时也曾感受到这样的快乐。课间休息时我总想玩这些游戏。在这样的时刻，我觉得我仿佛生活在一个完美的世界里。
现在我知道，这个世界根本就不完美；在我当时的生活中或在任何人的生活中，世界也不是完美的。但无论如何，对我来说，在一个小镇的学校上学，有令每一个学生都感到自己重要、安全且受欢迎的老师教我们，这样的生活就是一种美。
就我的情况而言，我的父母不和睦。我的家不是一个完美的世界。因此，去上学，和那些老师在一起，享受被他们爱，能够在秋千上悠荡，这一切让我懂得了一点儿何为生活，让我懂得，生活中存在着不能被任何不和谐抹去的善。
学会自荡秋千，老来奋力荡起
当身边没有人推我荡秋千时，我也知道如何荡起来。你知道我说的“荡”是怎么回事吗？你移动自己的腿以获得动力。这些天我一直在想这个问题，也许是因为，这些天我的腿不太灵便。尽管如此，我有时也需要“荡”，不仅用我的身体，而且用我的心智。说实话，有时这很难。我似乎不能使自己荡起来。这是年老的部分现实。
尽管我发现我不如我生命中更早一些时候那么擅长“荡”了，但是，这些天我体验到了某些另类的“荡”。其中一种是心怀感激。我在我儿子的网站上看了一段视频——我在上文中提到的那个——它显示了对每一天都心存感激会是一种什么感受，这例证了我的亲身体验。我不知道这是仅仅因为我如此长寿呢，还是因为我在漫长的岁月中已有所悟，但与从前相比，我现在确实更容易心怀感激。在某种程度上，这是因为我有了更多的闲暇去深思。
年老者拥有更年轻的人所不具备的闲暇时间，利用这种时间深思往往会带来令人倍感安慰的深刻认识。这样的认识就是一种“荡”。这种认识往往会在我依靠家人、教堂和朋友时产生。他们成为我荡起来的推力。他们促我早晨起床、做一些简单的事情、继续生活下去。可能答案就在于，每日一次心怀感激地生活。至少现在对我来说是如此。
帮助他人，体验有用感
我认为，即使在我九十五岁之时，我仍能拥有丰富的生活体验。它来自心怀感激，亦来自努力助人。当我给予别人帮助、感到自己有用时便是我感到过得最充实之日，它们照亮了世界上属于我的小小的角落。我喜欢去拜访和倾听和我一起生活的其他人，帮他们认识到有人在关心他们。我们相互理解。拜访他们也是一种“荡”。和他们在一起是一种以其自己的方式自由的、飞向空中的感觉。“荡”并不局限在秋千架上。
上帝于我似血亲
有人问我是否信仰宗教。我想我信。我认为我自己认识上帝。我感到自己和上帝有一种亲人般的血缘关系。我可以对他倾诉一切，而且我经常这么做。上帝以某种方式内在于我，就在眼前，触手可及。我也觉得离圣灵特别近。圣灵和上帝两者似乎在我的内心合而为一了。我认为圣灵包罗万象。我常常为他人祈祷，祈求“将他们包容进来”。这就是我心目中的上帝；这就是我心目中的圣灵：包容。当我祈祷人们受到圣灵的包容时，这就足够了。不再需要别的什么。我想这对我来说就是年老的赠予。我觉得离上帝更近了。
耐心与视野，年老的赠予
对我而言，年老的赠予还包括耐心和视野。当你九十五岁之时，你真的具有了一种视野。你懂得，一些曾经看起来至关重要的东西其实并不那么要紧：如自己的外表、别人的长相。还有，过去可能有些事情发生在你自己身上或发生在别人身上，令人痛苦，但随着时间的推移，它们和你拉开了距离。它们不再能那么强烈地控制你了。你的内心有了空间。我觉得这也是年老给予我的一份馈赠。
好奇心，年老的又一馈赠
年老还让我体验到了另一种东西。我对世界感到好奇，而且我很容易感到愉悦。就好奇心而言，我从不间断看新闻。这是因为我有了闲暇时间；我更年轻时并不看新闻。但现在我总是在关注新闻，我发现自己对国内外发生的事情都感兴趣。现在我生活在一个电视新闻时代，在这里，任何时候一开电视你就能看到人们论证其观点，常常是政治观点。我但愿他们不那么不片面。但这（在电视上看新闻）令我愉快，我发现自己能被所有的人说服。这让人有一点儿难以一直固执己见，但这是一种很好的智力体操。
至于愉悦感，我得承认，我是美国一个职业篮球队，圣安东尼奥马刺队，的一个相当狂热的粉丝。我在电视上看他们的所有比赛，我发现，有时某一天的情绪直接与前一天晚上马刺队比赛的输赢相关。我家里还有一张我和马刺队的一名前队员，大卫·罗宾森（David Robinson）的合影照。
我的家庭和教养
我很幸运，大约在1920~1940年期间，我生长在一座小镇，阿肯色的康登。父亲在我十岁时过世，当时我们不住在康登，而是住在肯德基的路易斯维尔。父亲过世几年之后，母亲决定在小镇康登单身一人抚养她的三个孩子（我和我的两个兄弟），她和父亲就是在那里开始共同生活的。
在我大约13岁时我们搬回小镇。我并不真正明白我回到了一个什么地方；我只知道母亲把我带到那里，那里就好。但我现在认识到，我很幸运曾在那里生活。那里有其独有的天真，不太复杂。不过（我得补充一句）我得以在中学时学习拉丁语，那里的老师特别棒。但那里不是很拥挤，没有拥挤到让人无法相互关爱的程度。而且有那么多人可以去爱。
其中的一位就是我未来的丈夫，小约翰·麦克丹尼尔，我人生中的一个奇迹。我知道许多人会用极好的、有时过于浪漫化的言语来描述其配偶。我知道所有的婚姻都是独特的，没有一桩婚姻是没有任何坎坷的。我知道婚姻是一个终生的旅程，从始至终都需要经营，需要对相互的关系恪守承诺。话虽如此，我还是要说，我确实爱我的丈夫，我在康登与他相识，他过去是——现在仍是——我的终生之爱。他来自一个与我的家庭迥然不同的家庭。他们家是我生长的那个小镇上一个完整的、稳固的家庭；而我的母亲则单身一人，一辈子奋力劳作，量入而出。对我而言，“约翰尼”仿佛一个（遥不可及的）英雄。他是中学的足球队员，学习优异，而且，我得承认，非常、非常帅。我从未想过能嫁给他。但不知怎么回事，他被我吸引住了，上大学后——我没有上过大学——他发现自己很思念家乡的一个姑娘，就是我。他从大学回家度假时总去看我，我们相爱了。他大学毕业后我们结了婚。我们在俄克拉荷马生活了一段时间，然后搬到路易斯安那的新奥尔良，之后他去海军服役。这时正值第二次世界大战期间，这是一个对我们这一代人来说具有决定意义的时期。当他在太平洋战场前线的一艘航母上为海军效力时，我的第一个孩子——琳达——出生了。
她出生后，我们搬回到康登和我母亲一起住，直到“约翰尼”从战场上回家。然后我们一家三口搬到德克萨斯的圣安东尼奥，我现在就住在这里。约翰尼和我共同走过了59年的婚姻生活。我们的儿子，杰伊，就出生于圣安东尼奥。琳达和杰伊在圣安东尼奥长大，我们爱这座城市。但他们和我心爱的侄儿约翰尼·威尔勒也对康登怀有温馨的记忆，我们也爱这座城市。约翰尼现在就住在那里。
继续活下去，重塑你自己
当你的配偶过世后，你会思念他或她。我一生的每一天都在思念约翰尼。这之后你没法真正地规划（自己的生活），至少我没有做到。你只得日复一日地应对其缺席，直到你生活中的某一时刻你开始不再仅仅是应对，而是在某种意义上接受（事实），重新创造一种生活方式。
你发现你自己在继续生活下去，虽仍思念你的配偶，但逐渐安逸下来。至少对我来说是这样。而且，即使是在那样的时候，如果你的确幸运，你生命中还有如家人、朋友和教堂作为圣礼，作为力量之源。你还有记忆，你还有机会帮助他人，你还有视野，你还有信心。
包容圈
你感觉到你的周围、所有事物的周围、甚至你的内心有一个包容圈。这就够了。我的长寿让我明白，生命中的每一个年龄段、生活中的每一个阶段都既有考验又有机遇。没有哪一个年龄段是完美无缺的，但每一个年龄段都有其完美之处，有其馈赠。我们学会放下早一些的那些阶段，并怀着信心地走进一些新的阶段。
我的情况似乎就是如此。我认为在我们的内心以及在我们的周围总是有一种精神在起作用，一种无处不在的圣灵在包容我们大家。我认为没有人被拒于圈外。我经常为他人祈祷，有时也为我自己祈祷。我在内心说，“请包容我们。请拥抱我们。”但我认为这种包容在我祈祷之前就存在，而且一直存在。
是的，这就够了。
===========================================
她儿子注：
我母亲95岁了，我请她为我回顾她的生活。和我们大家一样，她知道，生命是一种旅程，每一阶段都既有考验又有机遇。她知道，每一个生命都是独特的，没有任何两个旅程是一样的。她知道，即使我们的旅程是私人的，但没有一个旅程是完全孤独的。我们的生命和身份都是在关系中形成的。我们是相互的旅程的一部分。的确，整个世界就是一张由多个交互-旅程构成的巨网。我们因此需要相互关照。我们共处于其中。
本网站的许多读者相信，每个人内心都有一种圣灵，一种创造性生成的诱惑，这就是上帝与我们的生命同在。相对于现实情况而言，这种诱惑是一种崭新的可能性的源泉，是一种创造型转化的源泉。我们相信，这种源泉是一种爱的存在，在我们生活的每一阶段，它用温柔的爱拥抱我们，拥抱所有的人。
尽管我们很渺小，但却总是被包容在这种大爱之中。这种存在总是在邀请我们记住过去，但在新的情境呼唤新的回应时不依附于过去。这种精神号召我们去记忆、去反思，去品味美好的回忆、去直面不幸，也遵照此刻的呼唤去再造我们自己。
我母亲也相信这一点。她不是一位过程神学家。据我所知她没有读过任何怀特海的著作；这对我来说没问题。但我认为，我从她那里学到的过程神学思想和从任何其他人那里学到的同样多。我感谢她帮助我认识到，在生活有变故时灵活且创造性地应对有多重要，依靠一种比天空更宽广的具有创造性的大爱，其心灵作为一种爱的诱惑内在于每一个人的心中。
得闲思与悟
弗吉尼亚·麦克丹尼尔
（谢邦秀 译）
年老并非都是坏事。在我九十五岁之时，我有了闲暇反思并享受反思的过程，无论还有多少时间留给我。我仍在学习、体悟，与时偕进。
我在学习发现真正的价值，它们或如其看起来的那样存在于日常的、世俗的经验中，或存在于与人们的交流中，这些人和我住在同一个“街区”，就在我所居住的这个设施精良的退休人员综合社区。我在学习向可能性开放：比我人生中更早一些时期更开放。
我有一台“爱派”（苹果平板电脑），我有一个儿子，他开设了一个网站。今天，借助于我的“爱派”，我在他的网站上听了、看了一篇极棒的文章，它告诉我，每一天都可以找到可能性，我们如何能心怀感恩地生活。它题为“相信美”（Trust in Beauty ），附有一些能彰显其特点的照片，照片是由一个名叫路易斯·沙茨伯格（Louis Schartzberg）的人拍摄的。
秋千的启示：生活中有善
我记得，当我还是一个小女孩的时候，我爱在学校的操场上荡秋千。我想我当时大概六岁左右。你知道（在秋千上）荡起来是什么感觉吗？这是一种独立的、飞向空中的感觉。有时你最好的朋友就站在你身边把你悠起来。这就是我曾经经历的感觉。
我一生当中曾有多次感到心花怒放，这样的时刻在此之列。我在玩跳房子游戏时也曾感受到这样的快乐。课间休息时我总想玩这些游戏。在这样的时刻，我觉得我仿佛生活在一个完美的世界里。
现在我知道，这个世界根本就不完美；在我当时的生活中或在任何人的生活中，世界也不是完美的。但无论如何，对我来说，在一个小镇的学校上学，有令每一个学生都感到自己重要、安全且受欢迎的老师教我们，这样的生活就是一种美。
就我的情况而言，我的父母不和睦。我的家不是一个完美的世界。因此，去上学，和那些老师在一起，享受被他们爱，能够在秋千上悠荡，这一切让我懂得了一点儿何为生活，让我懂得，生活中存在着不能被任何不和谐抹去的善。
学会自荡秋千，老来奋力荡起
当身边没有人推我荡秋千时，我也知道如何荡起来。你知道我说的“荡”是怎么回事吗？你移动自己的腿以获得动力。这些天我一直在想这个问题，也许是因为，这些天我的腿不太灵便。尽管如此，我有时也需要“荡”，不仅用我的身体，而且用我的心智。说实话，有时这很难。我似乎不能使自己荡起来。这是年老的部分现实。
尽管我发现我不如我生命中更早一些时候那么擅长“荡”了，但是，这些天我体验到了某些另类的“荡”。其中一种是心怀感激。我在我儿子的网站上看了一段视频——我在上文中提到的那个——它显示了对每一天都心存感激会是一种什么感受，这例证了我的亲身体验。我不知道这是仅仅因为我如此长寿呢，还是因为我在漫长的岁月中已有所悟，但与从前相比，我现在确实更容易心怀感激。在某种程度上，这是因为我有了更多的闲暇去深思。
年老者拥有更年轻的人所不具备的闲暇时间，利用这种时间深思往往会带来令人倍感安慰的深刻认识。这样的认识就是一种“荡”。这种认识往往会在我依靠家人、教堂和朋友时产生。他们成为我荡起来的推力。他们促我早晨起床、做一些简单的事情、继续生活下去。可能答案就在于，每日一次心怀感激地生活。至少现在对我来说是如此。
帮助他人，体验有用感
我认为，即使在我九十五岁之时，我仍能拥有丰富的生活体验。它来自心怀感激，亦来自努力助人。当我给予别人帮助、感到自己有用时便是我感到过得最充实之日，它们照亮了世界上属于我的小小的角落。我喜欢去拜访和倾听和我一起生活的其他人，帮他们认识到有人在关心他们。我们相互理解。拜访他们也是一种“荡”。和他们在一起是一种以其自己的方式自由的、飞向空中的感觉。“荡”并不局限在秋千架上。
上帝于我似血亲
有人问我是否信仰宗教。我想我信。我认为我自己认识上帝。我感到自己和上帝有一种亲人般的血缘关系。我可以对他倾诉一切，而且我经常这么做。上帝以某种方式内在于我，就在眼前，触手可及。我也觉得离圣灵特别近。圣灵和上帝两者似乎在我的内心合而为一了。我认为圣灵包罗万象。我常常为他人祈祷，祈求“将他们包容进来”。这就是我心目中的上帝；这就是我心目中的圣灵：包容。当我祈祷人们受到圣灵的包容时，这就足够了。不再需要别的什么。我想这对我来说就是年老的赠予。我觉得离上帝更近了。
耐心与视野，年老的赠予
对我而言，年老的赠予还包括耐心和视野。当你九十五岁之时，你真的具有了一种视野。你懂得，一些曾经看起来至关重要的东西其实并不那么要紧：如自己的外表、别人的长相。还有，过去可能有些事情发生在你自己身上或发生在别人身上，令人痛苦，但随着时间的推移，它们和你拉开了距离。它们不再能那么强烈地控制你了。你的内心有了空间。我觉得这也是年老给予我的一份馈赠。
好奇心，年老的又一馈赠
年老还让我体验到了另一种东西。我对世界感到好奇，而且我很容易感到愉悦。就好奇心而言，我从不间断看新闻。这是因为我有了闲暇时间；我更年轻时并不看新闻。但现在我总是在关注新闻，我发现自己对国内外发生的事情都感兴趣。现在我生活在一个电视新闻时代，在这里，任何时候一开电视你就能看到人们论证其观点，常常是政治观点。我但愿他们不那么不片面。但这（在电视上看新闻）令我愉快，我发现自己能被所有的人说服。这让人有一点儿难以一直固执己见，但这是一种很好的智力体操。
至于愉悦感，我得承认，我是美国一个职业篮球队，圣安东尼奥马刺队，的一个相当狂热的粉丝。我在电视上看他们的所有比赛，我发现，有时某一天的情绪直接与前一天晚上马刺队比赛的输赢相关。我家里还有一张我和马刺队的一名前队员，大卫·罗宾森（David Robinson）的合影照。
我的家庭和教养
我很幸运，大约在1920~1940年期间，我生长在一座小镇，阿肯色的康登。父亲在我十岁时过世，当时我们不住在康登，而是住在肯德基的路易斯维尔。父亲过世几年之后，母亲决定在小镇康登单身一人抚养她的三个孩子（我和我的两个兄弟），她和父亲就是在那里开始共同生活的。
在我大约13岁时我们搬回小镇。我并不真正明白我回到了一个什么地方；我只知道母亲把我带到那里，那里就好。但我现在认识到，我很幸运曾在那里生活。那里有其独有的天真，不太复杂。不过（我得补充一句）我得以在中学时学习拉丁语，那里的老师特别棒。但那里不是很拥挤，没有拥挤到让人无法相互关爱的程度。而且有那么多人可以去爱。
其中的一位就是我未来的丈夫，小约翰·麦克丹尼尔，我人生中的一个奇迹。我知道许多人会用极好的、有时过于浪漫化的言语来描述其配偶。我知道所有的婚姻都是独特的，没有一桩婚姻是没有任何坎坷的。我知道婚姻是一个终生的旅程，从始至终都需要经营，需要对相互的关系恪守承诺。话虽如此，我还是要说，我确实爱我的丈夫，我在康登与他相识，他过去是——现在仍是——我的终生之爱。他来自一个与我的家庭迥然不同的家庭。他们家是我生长的那个小镇上一个完整的、稳固的家庭；而我的母亲则单身一人，一辈子奋力劳作，量入而出。对我而言，“约翰尼”仿佛一个（遥不可及的）英雄。他是中学的足球队员，学习优异，而且，我得承认，非常、非常帅。我从未想过能嫁给他。但不知怎么回事，他被我吸引住了，上大学后——我没有上过大学——他发现自己很思念家乡的一个姑娘，就是我。他从大学回家度假时总去看我，我们相爱了。他大学毕业后我们结了婚。我们在俄克拉荷马生活了一段时间，然后搬到路易斯安那的新奥尔良，之后他去海军服役。这时正值第二次世界大战期间，这是一个对我们这一代人来说具有决定意义的时期。当他在太平洋战场前线的一艘航母上为海军效力时，我的第一个孩子——琳达——出生了。
她出生后，我们搬回到康登和我母亲一起住，直到“约翰尼”从战场上回家。然后我们一家三口搬到德克萨斯的圣安东尼奥，我现在就住在这里。约翰尼和我共同走过了59年的婚姻生活。我们的儿子，杰伊，就出生于圣安东尼奥。琳达和杰伊在圣安东尼奥长大，我们爱这座城市。但他们和我心爱的侄儿约翰尼·威尔勒也对康登怀有温馨的记忆，我们也爱这座城市。约翰尼现在就住在那里。
继续活下去，重塑你自己
当你的配偶过世后，你会思念他或她。我一生的每一天都在思念约翰尼。这之后你没法真正地规划（自己的生活），至少我没有做到。你只得日复一日地应对其缺席，直到你生活中的某一时刻你开始不再仅仅是应对，而是在某种意义上接受（事实），重新创造一种生活方式。
你发现你自己在继续生活下去，虽仍思念你的配偶，但逐渐安逸下来。至少对我来说是这样。而且，即使是在那样的时候，如果你的确幸运，你生命中还有如家人、朋友和教堂作为圣礼，作为力量之源。你还有记忆，你还有机会帮助他人，你还有视野，你还有信心。
包容圈
你感觉到你的周围、所有事物的周围、甚至你的内心有一个包容圈。这就够了。我的长寿让我明白，生命中的每一个年龄段、生活中的每一个阶段都既有考验又有机遇。没有哪一个年龄段是完美无缺的，但每一个年龄段都有其完美之处，有其馈赠。我们学会放下早一些的那些阶段，并怀着信心地走进一些新的阶段。
我的情况似乎就是如此。我认为在我们的内心以及在我们的周围总是有一种精神在起作用，一种无处不在的圣灵在包容我们大家。我认为没有人被拒于圈外。我经常为他人祈祷，有时也为我自己祈祷。我在内心说，“请包容我们。请拥抱我们。”但我认为这种包容在我祈祷之前就存在，而且一直存在。
是的，这就够了。
===========================================
她儿子注：
我母亲95岁了，我请她为我回顾她的生活。和我们大家一样，她知道，生命是一种旅程，每一阶段都既有考验又有机遇。她知道，每一个生命都是独特的，没有任何两个旅程是一样的。她知道，即使我们的旅程是私人的，但没有一个旅程是完全孤独的。我们的生命和身份都是在关系中形成的。我们是相互的旅程的一部分。的确，整个世界就是一张由多个交互-旅程构成的巨网。我们因此需要相互关照。我们共处于其中。
本网站的许多读者相信，每个人内心都有一种圣灵，一种创造性生成的诱惑，这就是上帝与我们的生命同在。相对于现实情况而言，这种诱惑是一种崭新的可能性的源泉，是一种创造型转化的源泉。我们相信，这种源泉是一种爱的存在，在我们生活的每一阶段，它用温柔的爱拥抱我们，拥抱所有的人。
尽管我们很渺小，但却总是被包容在这种大爱之中。这种存在总是在邀请我们记住过去，但在新的情境呼唤新的回应时不依附于过去。这种精神号召我们去记忆、去反思，去品味美好的回忆、去直面不幸，也遵照此刻的呼唤去再造我们自己。
我母亲也相信这一点。她不是一位过程神学家。据我所知她没有读过任何怀特海的著作；这对我来说没问题。但我认为，我从她那里学到的过程神学思想和从任何其他人那里学到的同样多。我感谢她帮助我认识到，在生活有变故时灵活且创造性地应对有多重要，依靠一种比天空更宽广的具有创造性的大爱，其心灵作为一种爱的诱惑内在于每一个人的心中。